Back to school

Ok, so you're going to think I'm crazy.

But then again, you think that about me relatively often if you are a regular follower of this blog. I'm ok with that.

Anyway, here it is:

I miss school.

Not the teaching part. And don't worry, just because my students are currently whining about going through Shakespeare and suffering from major cases of extremely contagious Senioritis does not mean that I hate teaching. Fact: I still love teaching.

No, what I miss is actually being a student.

No, no, no, OK, seriously, hear me out.

Come on, stay with me (See? I told you you'd think I was crazy!) just let me explain.

Tonight at youth group an amazing man came and taught us how to look at the book of Revelation through the filter of the book of Daniel. He went about a million miles per hour, was crazy enthusiastic, and brought handouts and a PowerPoint to go with it.

I was in love.

Seriously. I loved being a student. And tonight I was sitting there on the edge of the pew, pencil poised to catch every tidbit I could while I flipped furiously through my Bible trying to keep up with him.

Now, granted, in high school it was a little hit and miss. Trust me, I did not sit in math or history like that. In math I was too busy trying to make my notes look fun and interesting, and in history I was too busy either doodling in my notebook or wondering what my teacher had had for breakfast because pieces of it were still stuck in his beard and on his collar (true story).

And, if I'm honest, I didn't quite sit like that in English all the time. Except when we did a few novels that I really loved. Or poetry. I was always attentive for that.

But man, oh man. College was a different story. With the major exceptions of anything math-related, Psychology, or Linguistics, I was totally different.

Writing About Film was a revelation. I thought I understood films and how to read them. That class totally opened my eyes. I devoured every film clip we watched in class and then went home, rented the films on Netflix, and went over it again. I watched films over and over again, looking at the use of framing, cuts, color, pacing, angles, music, and symbols. This class gave me a greater love for Altman and more disdain for Scorsese and his overdone symbolism. We get it, he's a Christ-figure, does he really have to die in the crucifix position in slow motion?

Introduction to Logic was such an incredible class that I voluntarily took the Advanced Logic class. I convinced other friends to take it. I learned how to use people's words like math equations. It made me a better arguer, helped me understand syntax and how essential it is to meaning, and grounded me in reality. Not the depressing kind of realism. Just, well, real realism.

Anthropology was fascinating. Even though my father says that it's not a real science I still found it engrossing. Why do people operate the way they do? Why do we congregate? How do other cultures work? What makes them separate from us and what makes us similar? I found that I loved the differences and the nuances in each culture. And I also found that those differences make other cultures (And culture-groups within America) more precious. I love cultural differences and I'm not afraid to admit it.

And all my English classes. It's safe to assume that I love books. It's also safe to assume that I love analyzing literature; therefore, my English classes in college were great. Mostly. There were two with whats-her-name who shall never be mentioned again (she gave me a C once), but otherwise, they were great!

Ah, I miss it.

Oh, but not my education classes.

Sorry to all of you who are future educators, but wow. Those classes. If anything ever felt like a bigger waste of money . . . man. I learned more in my semester of Student Teaching than I did in the previous three full of classes about Diversity, Methods, and Management.

But hey. You gotta do what you gotta do.

And without them, I wouldn't be here.

So, it's all good.

Santa Fe: Part Two

Ok, my rabid readers. I'm home from Santa Fe now and incredibly happy to be so. It was beautiful. It was fun. It was wonderful to get some quality time with the rents (especially since I never get to see them). But in all honesty, I missed Ashland.

I know my parents (Dad especially) think I'm crazy for how much I love my little town. They love the city (Dad especially). I love it too. But I found what my heart loves more. And that's this town with these people that I've met. Honestly, I've made some true heart friends out here, I've grown into myself (finally), and I've found a job that I look forward to each day with joy. I know that at least makes them very happy even if it does mean that they're losing their sophisticated city girl to small town Kansas. Cause I'm totally happy about that.

Ok, let's recap that last half of Santa Fe, shall we? How about another top ten things. Sounds good to me.

1. I am totally backwards with long drives. Bright sun and heat make me want to do nothing but sleep. And sleep I did on the long drive to and from Taos. Which was a fun trip but the main reason we went--which was to see the pueblo--was unavailable. Disappointing. BUT....

2. I again looked at shiny and pretty things. Jewelry always calls my name. And I have to look at it and say, "Silly jewelry, why do you call my name? You know I'll never ever wear you." Which is totally true. I actually really dislike the look of things hanging around my neck. If I were a guy, I'd totally think that a sweep of bare neck was much sexier than one with shiny things obscuring it. But maybe that's just me.

3. Ok, can I start this by saying that I'm a toucher? I can't help it. I see something that interests me and, like a five-year-old, I have to reach out and touch it. So, naturally, I see a metal sculpture of a salamander I find interesting. Not because I particularly like salamanders, but simply because I wanted to feel the metal. I place it back on the shelf, it nudges the little ceramic sculpture behind it, and in slow motion I watch a little green tree frog topple onto the floor and break. Excellent. My mom thinks I should keep it. I think it's only a reminder that sometimes I'm more immature than my fourteen-year-old students. But perhaps that's a good thing......

4. I introduced my mom to the world of toe shoes (whose official brand name is Vibram). She got herself a pair and, since the sales lady was kind enough to give us 10% off, I took the opportunity to get myself a new pair: all black with only a strap across the foot. Love. Them. Oh, and the sales lady asked if I was a toe girl. Um, yes, hello? I walked on my tiptoes EVERYWHERE when I was little. I used my toes instead of hands to pick things up. I would give thumbs ups with my toes. And......

5. I still walk on my toes. And Vibrams make me want to do it a lot. So what do I do on a stop on the way in to Taos? I walk around the courtyard (seemingly alone) on my tip toes. What do I learn later? My father was spying on me with his video camera, capturing every second. And let's just say I look ridiculous. Not to mention all I can stare at is my butt, which he got a lovely close-up of to catch my feet and legs. Ugh.

6. That place, however, was lovely. The Santuario de Chimayo. Thousands of Catholics journey from Alburqueque to this place once a year because it is said that the dirt has healing properties. I have to say, the place itself seems to have healing properties. I felt refreshed there. Calm. Content. Even with unanswered questions in my life. It was a good stop.

7. Drinks at the home of my dad's friend Bob and his husband Hector. SUCH a lovely home (and very tasty margaritas). I enjoyed their company immensely, and ate a LOT of guacamole (one of my favorite things). Also, their backyard overlooks the place where True Grit was shot. That's right, my fears. I got to see the place where True Grit was filmed. I know that at least a few of you will appreciate that. Please feel free to be jealous.

8. I dressed up every time we went to dinner. My parents did not. I don't know why they didn't. That's one area where the city in me will never leave, I guess. Dinner out is FUN. And if you're going to go out then why not GO OUT, you know? Dress up! Darken that eyeliner! Put on the heels! Honestly, part of it is that I never get to REALLY dress up. I mean, my students see me looking nice, but not dressed to go OUT. So you bet I will take any chance I can get to smolder out there. Even if it is just my parents!

9. I read two whole books on the drives. Holy cow. That's a lot for me right now. My reading in the last few months has consisted of what my students read. Next year will be better since I won't have to spend SO much time reading and rereading what I'm going to teach them. And the best part about my reading? It's all self-contained on my E-reader which means that I can carry around hundreds of books all on one slim little device. Perfect!

10. Santa Fe is all artists and good food. And I think we over-indulged on both. I missed my music. And I know I'll greet my briefly fuller frame with annoyance for a bit. Luckily, the weather is nicer, so all I have to do is slip on my new Vibrams, put my sweet bike pants, and hop on the Trek for a few miles. Or a few hours. Whatever works.

Only two more days of freedom before it's back to the grindstone.

And then one month to Prom.

And two months to graduation.

And then one more week until school is out.

I mean, look. I love my job.

But I'm ready for summer and all that comes with it.

I am NOT a hippie . . .

Ok, so you know how you're sitting in church and the pastor is speaking the sermon? It's all fine and dandy. He's doing well, the topic is interesting, blah blah blah.

And then suddenly, a verse pops into your head and you have to look it up right now or it'll be gone?

And then maybe you spend the rest of the sermon reading that verse and around that verse and about that verse and then you realize that you missed the entire sermon?

And yes I know that was a terrible run-on sentence but seriously. Give me break. I'll write the way I want here, thank you very much. I might even end a sentence with a preposition at. So there to.

If you laughed/got the joke above then you get extra credit.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

One of those verses hit me today. My quiet times have been centering around Hebrews lately, and a few weeks ago I went though one of my favorite passages, Hebrews 12:7-13. It contains one of my life verses, vs. 12-13:

"Therefore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

I love this passage/verse because of its no-nonsense approach to discipline. "Life is hard and it will stay hard. God will discipline you. It's because He loves you. So chin up and move forward so that you can set an example for others."

So great. Don't give me the feelings and the lovey-dovey stuff (yet another disappointment to womanhood on my part). Give me the hard stuff. Tell me to suck it up. Be a man---metaphorically speaking.

Well, naturally, the verse I turned to today in church contains similar physical imagery. I love it when passages contain these physical references. I imagine actually strengthening my arms and knees. And this verse has plenty. I'll actually give it all to you. It's 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets a prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No! I beat my body and I make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

I think I'm attracted to these verses about discipline because my faith is such an organic thing. I have discipline in many areas of my life, but my walk with God often lacks discipline. I gravitate to worship because of its freeing nature, yet I seek out Scripture about discipline and hard work. It's like my mind craves balance, otherwise I'd end up a crazy, hippie, Jesus-freak.

Not that that's bad. Oh goodness. I've just insulted someone. Sorry. Please go back to your chamomile tea and knitting.

But in all seriousness, my brain is so wrapped up in the thinking and the theology and the logic of my faith that my soul simply said, "I can't take it anymore!" and exploded in the feeling of worship music.

I miss the Challenge band.

Well. This post went in a direction I wasn't expecting. I do miss playing in a worship band, and I count the days until I can do so again.

Now if only I could fix my bow situation . . .

Wherein I display my true colors (with a timeline!)

I've been doing some soul-searching lately. Not the serious kind, mind you, just the kind that prompts one to take a step back from oneself and ask, "Is this who I truly am?"

You see, I don't often think about it, but I was raised by two people who dearly loved science fiction and fantasy, picking apart films, and not apologizing for it.

Oh yes, you see where this is going now. Be prepared.

And now that I've just said that I can see Scar looming over a canyon full of dancing hyenas. Awesome. I'm going to go listen to the Lion King soundtrack real fast. Hold on.

And I'm back. And I'm not kidding. I'm seriously listening to Jeremy Irons try to sing. And I'm helping him.

Anyway, the way I was raised naturally instilled a few natural tendencies in me. I remember spending the entire summer of my 10th year locked in my bedroom devouring my parents' novels about people who ride fantastical dragons on a planet named Pern. My parents had to throw my outside for an hour each day. I'd spend that hour poking around, dreaming about riding a gold dragon, and counting down the minutes until I could come back inside and dive back into that world.

Those of you who know me will not find that strange. I have obsessive tendencies. They come in handy when those obsessions line up with my current position in life. For example, my current obsession with being the best English teacher ever lines up perfectly with my current position as an English teacher. Lovely!

But one obsession I've always had has been my love of books, TV shows, and films that treat life in a fantastic way. The dragon books, Star Wars (both books and films), my love of Agatha Christie novels, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the Harry Potter world, Pushing Daisies, Spaced, and my ongoing attraction/repulsion relationship with horror films (but excluding torture porn). This obsession has always been in an up and down cycle in my life, often dependent on the people around me.

Here's a rough timeline for you:

 Ages 3-9:
Family time on Sunday nights included watching an hour of Nature on PBS, and then an hour of Star Trek: The Next Generation with a few bowls of popcorn topped with Parmesan cheese.

Age 10: 

Discover the Dragonriders of Pern series. Life is perfect. I vividly remember listening to my very first cassette tape (Alanis Morrisette, Jagged Little Pill-- that's right, I'm not kidding) while reading the first chapter.

Age 10.5:

Discover my parents' stash of Star Wars novels. Devour them all. This marks the beginning of my Star Wars fixation and the decline of Star Trek, sorry Mom and Dad.

Age 12:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer airs for the first time. Instant love. Who knew that TV could ever be so good? My parents buy me a t-shirt. I wear it like it's the coolest thing on the planet. My parents buy Star Wars in the brand new VHS release. I immediately run them into the ground.

Age 14:
High school begins. I realize that no one else likes the things I do. Or, if they do, not to the same extent as myself. I stop wearing my Buffy t-shirt. Much to my shame, I'll admit I also stop watching Buffy on TV.

Ages 14-18:

I begin my quest to know everything about film, cut back a little on the fantasy book reading, and think way too highly of myself. Seminal films for me at this time include A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Moulin Rouge, Vanilla Sky, and The Matrix.

Age 18:

I go to college and vow to become a cool nerd. This is reinforced when I begin dating a boy who does not share my love for science fiction and fantasy (I should have known it would never work when he refused to watch The Lord of the Rings with me).

Ages 18-24:
Brief moments of shining nerdiness peek through: Attending two midnight releases of two Harry Potter books, debating the suckiness of the Star Wars prequels with friends, mainlining the extended editions of all three LOTR movies and all the commentary tracks (that's 60 hours of movie-watching, in case you weren't aware), and discovering Harlan Ellison. I discover Doctor Who.

Age 25:

The decline and subsequent end of my relationship with that boy prompts a resurgence of nerdom. My friends and I host Doctor Who watch parties for season 5, I attend a Star Wars watching party and debate various weaponry and technology with a friend, I begin my countdown to Inception in January. I discover Firefly.

Then I move to a small town and I live alone. I don't need to hide this nerdiness from anyone. I budget so I can go to ComicCon in the future. I finally see Spaced. My attention settles on successful and talented people in the entertainment business who embraced their inner nerd and it took them far (I'm talking about you, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Edgar Wright, and, of course, Bill Hader).

I realize that I can do this. Nerds truly do inherit the earth.

Or at least, they inherit the earth I care about.

And, on another note, I discovered this artist. His name is James Hance, and his artwork is exactly what I want. I'm going to buy some of his prints and hang them up in my home as my art.

And I don't care what anyone thinks of it!

Those Darn Cats

I was going to write a blog post about being home and the cats that my parents have, and this post was going to come complete with pictures, but these little buggers seriously do not stay still long enough to take a good picture of them. That, and the camera I currently use is terrible for, you know, good pictures.

I'm grateful I have a digital camera. It's nice to know that I can have my pictures quickly and in an automatic electronic format; however, the camera is not that great for many things, especially if I want to start capturing beautiful landscapes in the land that will soon be my home. I mean, just look at this picture:

Breathtaking. And what I would love more than anything is to be able to take some of those breathtaking photos for all of you who want to see what the real deal is with this place I'll be moving and setting up shop for an undetermined amount of time.

Which brings me to digital cameras. I have a feeling that this might be a tough decision for me. To be honest, all I know about photography is "Oh, this looks pretty," and "I really like the light here!" As far as specs and the, you know, technical stuff goes, I'm pretty much clueless. I'll need help from someone somewhere, but by the time I'll have a dough to purchase a "real" camera, I don't know when I'd actually have the time to shop around and talk to experts and "take my time." I'll need to know what I want so that when I'm in a city that has it, i can just go on in and get it.

In other news, I spent the entire day reading, something I haven't done in a long time. I miss it, and, yes, I'll admit it, I do feel slightly guilty for doing it. I mean, shouldn't I have done something productive with my day? Shouldn't I have maybe taken a shower and changed out of my pajamas? There. And now I have just shamed myself in front of the two of you who will read this. Well, don't tell anyone, ok?

Tomorrow I have plans for DOING THINGS. And don't ask me what those THINGS are because I don't know. All I know is that the THINGS will be productive THINGS and that they will benefit either me or my family in some way. These will be THINGS that will add to my school year planning and THINGS that will ensure I have not wasted my day.

Now, if you don't mind, I need to start figuring out what the heck I'm going to do tomorrow.

A Lot of Work to Do . . .

Tonight I spent a good portion of time searching the massive and confusing internet for some reading suggestions for my classes next year. In case you didn't know, I will be teaching 8th grade, 10th grade, 12th grade, and speech/forensics. And when I say I'll be teaching these grades, I don't mean that I'll be teaching with another teacher. I will have ALL of the 8th graders. I will have ALL of the 10th graders. And, you guessed it, I will have ALL of the seniors.

This affords me a lot of freedom in my choice of literature, aside from using the textbook of course, but it also gives me a little bit of a panic attack. I mean, I could do ANYTHING with them! So much freedom! So much control! And SO much good literature to choose from!

I also wonder to myself how much I can "get away" with in this new town. I can't wait to get an idea of what other teachers have done there, for, knowing me, I'd want to push my students through some more difficult and multicultural literature. I love things that deal with race, religion, disability, age, and hot-button topics. Hopefully my administrators will love choices like that, too.

Here are some of my choices for my eighth graders. I have always loved The Giver. It is such a great book and I know that kids can get a lot out of it. Along with The Giver, I also read Night in 8th grade. It started my interest in all things Holocaust-related, and I really enjoyed it. This might be a little difficult for 8th graders, but I bet I could get them through it. The book Island of the Blue Dolphins was something I read on my own in my middle school years and I really loved it. The story, the vocabulary, everything was so new to me. As for the first picture up there, I only read The Hunger Games this year because it's so new, but I could not put it down. If I could get my students through it (it's really long!) I just know we'd have a good time.

The selections for my sophomores, as expected, are the most difficult. There are some books that I know all sophomores should read, so, instead, I've posted here the books I dream about going through with 10th graders. The Joy Luck Club is rich in culture and would present a good challenge for my 10th graders, but if World Literature is in a different year, I might have to forgo this one. The Awakening is one of those works that contains difficult subject matter, but if I could take my students through it, the depth of conversation and the life topics we could cover would be so exciting. Flowers for Algernon is a book that I read a few years ago because I knew it was one of those classics that everyone should read. Loved it. And it would be very accessible and exciting for my students. I have always been grateful to my 8th grade English teacher for making us read Alas, Babylon. This books has always stuck with me and floats around in my head quite often. I could do this with either 8th grade or 10th grade.

Now for my senior literature. This is probably the most challenging category because the senior year in most high schools varies because of all the different options available. Since I'll have only one option, I'm going to try to format it like an AP Literature/IB World Literature course. This means some difficult and very GOOD literature. The Twilight Years, like Alas, Babylon, has stuck with me ever since I read it in my junior IB course. I found it heartbreaking, touching, and very diverse (it deals with multiple levels of culture, age, and disability). The only book on this post that I have not read yet (although, trust me, there are more than I'd like to admit on my master list in front of me) is Camus's The Stranger. It's one of those that I think would really challenge me personally and as a teacher. I'm going to try to read it this summer. Jhumpa Lahiri's Interpreter of Maladies was introduced to me in college and I loved every word of it. It includes so much detail about Indian culture and heritage, and because it's actually a collection of short stories, I could do excerpts from it, if needed. 1984, a staple in almost every senior English course, is on my list as well. I liked the way I saw another teacher do it once, so I might try that.

It was fun coming up with these things tonight, so I'm looking forward to re-reading, analyzing, and planning. It might sound dull to some of you, but I'm excited for it!