Santa Fe: Part Two

Ok, my rabid readers. I'm home from Santa Fe now and incredibly happy to be so. It was beautiful. It was fun. It was wonderful to get some quality time with the rents (especially since I never get to see them). But in all honesty, I missed Ashland.

I know my parents (Dad especially) think I'm crazy for how much I love my little town. They love the city (Dad especially). I love it too. But I found what my heart loves more. And that's this town with these people that I've met. Honestly, I've made some true heart friends out here, I've grown into myself (finally), and I've found a job that I look forward to each day with joy. I know that at least makes them very happy even if it does mean that they're losing their sophisticated city girl to small town Kansas. Cause I'm totally happy about that.

Ok, let's recap that last half of Santa Fe, shall we? How about another top ten things. Sounds good to me.

1. I am totally backwards with long drives. Bright sun and heat make me want to do nothing but sleep. And sleep I did on the long drive to and from Taos. Which was a fun trip but the main reason we went--which was to see the pueblo--was unavailable. Disappointing. BUT....

2. I again looked at shiny and pretty things. Jewelry always calls my name. And I have to look at it and say, "Silly jewelry, why do you call my name? You know I'll never ever wear you." Which is totally true. I actually really dislike the look of things hanging around my neck. If I were a guy, I'd totally think that a sweep of bare neck was much sexier than one with shiny things obscuring it. But maybe that's just me.

3. Ok, can I start this by saying that I'm a toucher? I can't help it. I see something that interests me and, like a five-year-old, I have to reach out and touch it. So, naturally, I see a metal sculpture of a salamander I find interesting. Not because I particularly like salamanders, but simply because I wanted to feel the metal. I place it back on the shelf, it nudges the little ceramic sculpture behind it, and in slow motion I watch a little green tree frog topple onto the floor and break. Excellent. My mom thinks I should keep it. I think it's only a reminder that sometimes I'm more immature than my fourteen-year-old students. But perhaps that's a good thing......

4. I introduced my mom to the world of toe shoes (whose official brand name is Vibram). She got herself a pair and, since the sales lady was kind enough to give us 10% off, I took the opportunity to get myself a new pair: all black with only a strap across the foot. Love. Them. Oh, and the sales lady asked if I was a toe girl. Um, yes, hello? I walked on my tiptoes EVERYWHERE when I was little. I used my toes instead of hands to pick things up. I would give thumbs ups with my toes. And......

5. I still walk on my toes. And Vibrams make me want to do it a lot. So what do I do on a stop on the way in to Taos? I walk around the courtyard (seemingly alone) on my tip toes. What do I learn later? My father was spying on me with his video camera, capturing every second. And let's just say I look ridiculous. Not to mention all I can stare at is my butt, which he got a lovely close-up of to catch my feet and legs. Ugh.

6. That place, however, was lovely. The Santuario de Chimayo. Thousands of Catholics journey from Alburqueque to this place once a year because it is said that the dirt has healing properties. I have to say, the place itself seems to have healing properties. I felt refreshed there. Calm. Content. Even with unanswered questions in my life. It was a good stop.

7. Drinks at the home of my dad's friend Bob and his husband Hector. SUCH a lovely home (and very tasty margaritas). I enjoyed their company immensely, and ate a LOT of guacamole (one of my favorite things). Also, their backyard overlooks the place where True Grit was shot. That's right, my fears. I got to see the place where True Grit was filmed. I know that at least a few of you will appreciate that. Please feel free to be jealous.

8. I dressed up every time we went to dinner. My parents did not. I don't know why they didn't. That's one area where the city in me will never leave, I guess. Dinner out is FUN. And if you're going to go out then why not GO OUT, you know? Dress up! Darken that eyeliner! Put on the heels! Honestly, part of it is that I never get to REALLY dress up. I mean, my students see me looking nice, but not dressed to go OUT. So you bet I will take any chance I can get to smolder out there. Even if it is just my parents!

9. I read two whole books on the drives. Holy cow. That's a lot for me right now. My reading in the last few months has consisted of what my students read. Next year will be better since I won't have to spend SO much time reading and rereading what I'm going to teach them. And the best part about my reading? It's all self-contained on my E-reader which means that I can carry around hundreds of books all on one slim little device. Perfect!

10. Santa Fe is all artists and good food. And I think we over-indulged on both. I missed my music. And I know I'll greet my briefly fuller frame with annoyance for a bit. Luckily, the weather is nicer, so all I have to do is slip on my new Vibrams, put my sweet bike pants, and hop on the Trek for a few miles. Or a few hours. Whatever works.

Only two more days of freedom before it's back to the grindstone.

And then one month to Prom.

And two months to graduation.

And then one more week until school is out.

I mean, look. I love my job.

But I'm ready for summer and all that comes with it.

Santa Fe: Part One

Ok, first, let's start with a few pre-Santa Fe things.

My parents are awesome.
I really needed this break.
I am a kick-A cook.

Over this last month the electronic things in my home died. Don't ask me why. My laptop croaked. The DVD player in my old TV suddenly decided to stop working. I could no longer watch DVDs in my own home. Not kidding, in order to watch The Social Network I had to curl up on the couch in the library at school. At 10:00 at night. It was kind of cool, but also annoying.

I'm going to say it all happened because I am an unusually electric person and the devices could simply no longer handle the charge from being around me. Yep. Stop laughing. Jerks.

Well, my parents arrive this weekend. And they have something with them. That something would be an LCD HDTV for me and a Blu-Ray player. Holy crap. No words. Except that they are awesome. And generous. And I am spoiled. And I will need tom work very hard to show how grateful to them I am.

And before they arrive I ask what they would like for dinner. My mom says, "Well, a roast would be mice."

A roast? Um, I've never made a roast before. BUT, one of my major life goals is to make a large array of food that is so good that people dream about it, crave it, and beg for it. And a roast? Well, that's like, a STAPLE. Like meatloaf. Like chicken and noodles. Like pumpkin pie or chocolate chip cookies.

So I bought the supplies, thought about how to put it together, and went for it.

Um, it was amazing, if I say so myself. Wow. I was almost sad that my parents helped me eat it. And it was a chuck roast too. Not the best cut. And it was still juicy and tender enough. I feel like I'm well on my way with the cooking.

Ok. So the break begins. Much needed. Have you read the last few posts? Yeah, they've been a little heavy. And for those of you who enjoy this blog because I write about the funny things in my life, well, I don't blame you if you've been a little tired of that thus far.

I'm tired of it too! Heavy thoughts are always in my head, but they're usually equally matched by the lighter things. I feel like those have been missing lately.

Well, here's a few:

1. Driving into Santa Fe is awesome. Mountains!

2. I got my own motel room. Score! This will come in very handy when I want to watch something on TV and I don't have to share the remote with my father, who, God love him, never watches what I want. And I can walk around wearing whatever I want. Or whatever I don't want. You know.

3. I really like hot tubs. In private courtyards. With a fireplace and a couch. Under the stars. Big enough to swim in. Awesome. Awesome. Oh, and I finally got to break in my new swimsuit.

4. Despite the fact that I'm not Catholic, I adore cathedrals. And I got to see an amazing one. And every now and then I need a reminder of how much Jesus suffered on the cross, and, frankly, no one does the blood and gore and pain of Christ like Catholics. The statue of Him on the cross in the chapel actually had REAL hair. That creeped me out a bit.

5. I got to see a lot of art. A lot. I didn't realize I'd missed it until I was wandering through the Georgia O'Keefe museum. And here's the thing. O'Keefe's works have been interpreted as expressions of her sexuality, and it turns out that's wrong! She hated that. And I didn't know that until this week. And the sad thing is, even knowing that, all I can see when I look at her abstract flower paintings? Lady parts. Sorry.

6. I had half a rack of lamb for dinner last night. And I was having trouble deciding between a few entrees. And then I realized I could make an awesome joke if I ordered the lamb. And I'm not ashamed to say that I got the half rack so I could send a picture with this tweet: "Mary had a little lamb...." HECK yeah.

7. I love wine. And my family loves wine as well. And sometimes we love it a lot. Not too much, but, well, a lot. Let's just say we had fun last night. And my mother is adorable when she has a few glasses. We're blaming the high altitude......

8. I was admiring some pretty jewelry yesterday. And my face was right next to the glass of the window. And I wanted a closer look. And.....you guessed it. SLAMMED my forehead into the glass. With a resounding gong. Yeah. I was totally that person who forgets a window is there and then knocks herself out trying to get a closer look. My father found it highly enjoyable. I told him he was a terrible person. As I was wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard.

9. I have enjoyed Santa Fe so far. The city isn't for me. But an hour outside of the city? Oh my gosh. Wow. I had to scrape my forehead off of the car window. And the red rocks made me homesick.

10. I've been wearing my hipster glasses everywhere. Partly because I think they're fun. Partly to feel different. And partly because it kind of makes me laugh. Either way, I look like a huge nerd. And I like that right now. I'll go back to looking professional and put together when school starts again, but if I had my choice right now, it'd be shorts, V-necked T-shirts, air-dried hair, sandals, and hipster glasses on a regular basis.

Ok, maybe not hipster glasses all the time. Maybe just sometimes.

A Thanksgiving conversation, for kicks.

Family traditions. So touching, so sweet, so moving.

Ha!

When we hear the word tradition we usually think of something old, something to revered, something sacred. Generally. The traditions in my family, however, are quite often not those things, and I'm sure many of my gentle readers will agree when it comes to their own families.

Some of the traditions in my family include:
1. Making the same cake every year for Christmas.
2. Fighting over who gets what firework as we watch them on the 4th.
3. Bourbon slush.
4. Being sci-fi geeks.
5. Making fun of my mom at every chance.
6. Playing cards.
7. Making fun of my mom while playing cards.
8. Making fun of me if my mother happens to be gone.

Well, when everyone was here for Thanksgiving there was no way we could pass up a few of these traditions. Bourbon slush? Good thing I had some left for everyone. Making fun of my mom? Easy (and done in love)! Playing cards?

Ah, playing cards.

Getting the four of us together while playing cards simply asks for trouble. The quips. The shouting. The insults. My sister and I generally fighting, poking, and prodding at each other. Everyone yelling at my dad, the human vacuum. Us making fun of my mom and them making fun of the way I say things.

It's a good time.

Occasionally those moments will crop up when the stars align and conditions are perfect for a moment that will forever live in everyone's memory. One such time happened about a dozen year ago while we were playing a game. Let's just say that an ample amount of caffeine and my inability to hold in a burp made the word "spades" one of the funniest sounds a human being has ever made. I'm serious. Just say the word "spades" around my father, and he'll dissolve into a fit of giggles and just repeat "spoooo," spUHoooo" over and over again (because that's what I sounded like).

And yesterday was another such moment. I love my family so much, and I love spending time with them. I now present to you one of my favorite conversations my family has ever had, past, present, and (I'm sure) future:

-

Mom:       What am I supposed  to do with these cards?
Dad:         I don't know, what am I supposed to do with these cards?
Me:          Mom, why don't you rub them together and see if they make something new?
Mom:       Ben, why don't we rub ours together and see if they make something new?
Dad:         We've already done that twice.

-

Need I say more?

A Thanksgiving post, obviously.

Ah, the obligatory Thanksgiving post.

Sometimes listing off all the things I'm thankful for can feel so trite, if I'm really honest, but this year I have so much to be thankful for. Some are small. Some are big. Some are familiar and constant, and some are new and exciting.

Now that my hands are clean after giving the turkey an olive oil rubdown (yes, you heard me), let's get on to the list!

1. Ready for the Superchurch answer? . . . Jesus!
I could say so much here, and it would never be enough. He has dictated every part of my life and He has never failed me. He is my bridegroom and my home, and He will never leave me.

2. My new home.
You've seen the house in posts before, so you know that it's pretty adorable. With limited options, I ended up getting a house better than I imagined. Not too big, pretty cute, and with enough projects to keep me busy, I couldn't have asked for more.

3. My new job.
I became a teacher because I knew I'd do well. I discovered that I love teaching. I get to go to school every day, talk about literature, keep things organized (and those of you who know me understand!), and hang out with kids all day. And make fun of them. And laugh at them. And seriously, I laugh and smile all day long. You've read some stories already, like this one and this one, and I'll always have more for you. I wake up each day excited for work, and I don't know many people who can say that.

4. My new town.
If I'm brutally honest (and let's face it, I usually am), I did not want to come here. I wanted to stay where things were familiar. Who wouldn't? But God said no and sent me here. And you know what? He totally knew what he was doing. I adore this place. The school. The feeling of community. New friends. My church. Knowing people and being known.

5. My new life.
God shut a lot of things down for me last spring. It was hard, to put it lightly. I thought my new life would be getting out into the world and moving to a big city. I thought teaching would simply be a short pit stop before my real life began. And I think that's changed. Crazy, right? I feel like I could stay here forever. Teach here forever. A man might steal me away someday, but until then, I think I'll be here indefinitely. And that's exciting!

6. Friends and family.
Not too much to say. Just that I love them so much and would not be the woman I am today without them. I have been so blessed, and I hope these pictures will show you why.

I love my dad. He taught me as a father and as a teacher. I learned most of my good teaching skills from him. 

And by him constantly berating me and putting me down, I learned how to hold my own. Love you, Dad!

My mother is one of my best friends which I never would have imagined in high school.

She taught me to love music, love people, and love decorating. And I love her.

Ah, Seeeester. We've hated each other enough for two lifetimes. Now we love each other. Always and forever. And look how pretty she is!

Oh my brothers in Christ. There are more of you, and I appreciate all of you. Your concern for my safety, my heart, and my life has blessed me. 

You show me such a picture of Christ's love, and reassure me that there are amazing and incredible godly men out there.

The last generation of the Bluff house. Some of the best years of my life with some of the best girls.

Oh, my dear Meghan. Your sweet and gentle heart inspires me. Your passion for your causes motivates me in mine (even if we're different).

You cut some mean hair and have fabulous taste. 

My little Sarah. You're like a surrogate little sister to me. And a friend. All rolled in one. Your obsessions make me giggle and my weirdness makes

you shake your head. We're a good pair, and I miss you.

Amy. Amy, Amy, Amy. You know my heart, and I know yours. Honestly, we get each other. And this picture

illustrates visually that we are twins mentally. 

 Ah Joyce, our tears and laughter have filled many precious hours of my life. I love you so much, my sister.

Saras, you are so fetch. And sweet. And I love that we became fast friends, and I'm sad that I'm no longer there with you. 

Kristy, you know my deepest heart, and I am honored to know yours. Thank you for all your words and encouragement. 

I am, and will always be, grateful for your hand in my life during this year.

Anna MinneMAN! I love you so much my darling. You are sweet and precious, and I am mean to you. It's the way it is. 

You're one of my oldest friends, and I love that we've seen each other grow over the years. No one's singing will ever more to me than yours.

Trust me, I could go on and on about people. You might even find some surprising. But I have to stop at some point! Suffice to say, the people in my life are incredible blessings every day. They energize me, encourage me, comfort me, challenge me, and love me. And I love them.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

Bloggsorzzzzzzzzzzzzz

OK, people. It has been a long two days, and a lot has happened.

1. I took some awesome friends to see a house yesterday.

2. We loved it.

3. I told my parents about it that evening.

4. They told me an hour later that they wanted to go see it the next day and talk money.

5. I went again this morning and took my parents with me.

6. They loved it.

7. We talked money.

8. I made an offer.

8a. She countered.

8b. I thought really hard and forced myself not to look at my parents for help.

9. I accepted her price.

10. We talked details.

11. We shook on it.

12. I went to the bank.

13. We talked money.

14. I filled out a loan application.

15. I got approved.

16. I'm in the process of buying.

Phew! That's a ton of stuff! It makes me even more exhausted just reading about it all. Now I need to go to sleep and have dreams about the pleasures/pains of owning a home!

Leaving the States of Missouri and Denial

I don't even know where to start.

I went to St. Louis with my parents. We stopped at a winery/restaurant on the way there, and no, I did not partake of the fruit of the vine. :) I hadn't been in a long time, and it was very nice. I had asparagus risotto. Delicious in my stomach, and not a hint of asparagus-flavored urine. 

Woah, did she just say urine? Unfollow! Unfollow!

Yes, folks. I did. Better get used to it. This girl does not shy away from such subjects and if you find your proper sensibilities offended, best steer away from this one. 

Anyway, right about here is where some lovely photos of the Missouri river and the winery should go, but the computer I'm on in St. Louis absolutely refuses to read my camera's card. So you'll have to wait until tomorrow for them.

Then we visited my aunt and uncle, where I got to see one of my four cousins (yes, I only have four cousins TOTAL) and her two kids. They were darling. Sadly, the oldest child is four years old and this was the first time I had met him.

We really don't see each other much. 

After that, we got to ride the St. Louis metro to Busch Stadium to see a Cardinals game. Riding the cars made me long for New York or London and their metros. If I could ride public transit everywhere I would be so happy. But, I will enjoy my life in the small town, because I'm pretty sure I can walk to every single location in the town itself. 

The Cardinals game was good. I do love baseball, and I do enjoy watching it a lot. Especially in person. However, I just don't know if I'm a Cardinals fan. 

Although, and my friend A will appreciate this, the Cardinals number 13 wore his socks correctly AND his last name was Ryan. Why is that significant? Oh, only my favorite college player is pretty much the exact same, except his first name is Ryan, not his last name. 

Now I'm home and musing on things. A lot of things.

Things like pain. OK, a show of hands please. By reading the above, how many of you would guess that I'm in a lot of emotional pain? That I cry myself to sleep every night? That I never, ever smile unless someone is looking at me? That I yell at God and tell Him how angry I am at Him for the way He's chosen to lay out my life in the last two months? 

Well, if I had to guess, probably none of you would be able to tell those things about me by reading the above.

But they're true. 

And I find myself resenting someone who I feel should be hurting just as much as I am, but "apparently" is not. 

Why isn't he hurting too? How can he laugh and smile? How can he make jokes and have fun with people? 

And then, only just tonight, a light bulb goes on. Well, maybe multiple light bulbs. 

If no one knows what's really going on with me, how can I honestly believe that he's not going through the same thing? If he tells me he's in pain, why do I scoff and not believe him and think he's only saying that off-handedly? If I'm concealing it well in person, well then he most likely is too. And doing it better than me because I wear my emotions on my sleeve and he most certainly does not. 

AND maybe it's time that I stop wanting him to be in pain. Maybe it's time to really just let it go. 

I'm going to move on someday. I truly believe that God has a man out in the world for me, and that this man is going to pursue me like mad, love me deeply, and provide for me. 

And you know what? He's going to move on too. And I know it will hurt. But that's what happens when someone you loved for six years begins to love someone else. Who cares if you don't want to marry him? It's still going to hurt like hell. And he'll hurt in the same way when I move on.

And I have to tell myself that it's not a contest. If he moves on first then that doesn't cheapen what we had together. God will move me forward when it's time, and I don't need to force that time so that I can have a man in my life to dull the pain that will come when an old love finds a new love. 

And wouldn't you know it? I know that what I'm writing is truth and I'm STILL crying as I write this. 

This was terribly long and if you made it to the end you deserve a medal. I'll give you pictures tomorrow.

Cowgirl food

Today was rough, mostly because I failed to go to sleep last night. Like, at all. So, needless to say, I did not feel at my best today.

However, the feelings expressed in my previous blog entry have mellowed out somewhat. They have not disappeared, and while I don't anticipate that happening in the near future, I am grateful to be in a somewhat more composed state of mind.

Today I helped my parents decide on a new comforter for their bedroom. We went to Macy's and looked at some items my mom had already checked out. As my mother was looking for the styles she has seen already, my eye was caught by, of all things, a bed in a bag.

Now, I think the "bed-in-a-bag" gets a bad wrap, but it's actually really convenient. And this one was beautiful. It combined my favorite colors of the moment: gunmetal grey and purple. Sigh. Bliss. My dad and I dutifully looked at the various bedspreads she was interested in, and the whole time I was waiting until I could go look at that comforter again. She said she had one more to show us and looked around for a minute or two. When she found it and motioned us over, which one do you think it was?

The one I loved! Good job, Mom! I saw it as a sign and immediately persuaded her to get it. She did. Here is a picture that does not do the beautiful spread justice. The lighter silver is a beautiful shine, like metal embroidery thread.

You see those accent pillows on the spread? They come with it! Genius! No sheets, but otherwise, what you see in this picture is what comes with the bag. I'm excited to design a room around it.

After that, since we were already in the posh new shopping center, Summit Fair, we decided to eat at a new sushi place there. I really liked it, and ended up having a sushi roll called a Golden Dragon. It was spicy crab meat with avocado and cream cheese, wrapped in tempura strips of banana, then topped with more tempura banana. Wow! To be honest, it was a little more sweet than I like my sushi, but it was exciting to try something new, and the wasabi around the plate helped spice it up. I decided that this was like the upscale sushi place in town, while our normal sushi place is more of the Mom 'n' Pop place with the "comfort" sushi.

By the way, in case any of you do not know, sushi is my absolute favorite food on this planet. And while I'm excited to move to a very small town, one thing that I know I will miss is sushi. That, and thai food, will become my standard when I visit the city. I will have pad thai for lunch and sushi for dinner, and my stomach will sing with happiness, and my taste-buds will melt for joy, and all will be right with the world again.

Anyway, I digress. Maybe someday I'll write an entire post about the beauty of sushi. But until that day . . .

I came home and showed my mother this amazing online tool to plan rooms. It's called the icovia Room Planner, and basically, you can plan out and design a room online for free. You can even change all the dimensions of the room, furniture, and accessories so that they perfectly match your exact space. It's saved me a lot of muscle work, for I can just plan it online until I find a furniture arrangement that works instead of manually placing each piece in multiple arrangements. We enjoyed ourselves.

I then spent the rest of the night looking up recipes. Talking to my parents earlier, I mused upon the fact that my grocery choices will be more simple in a smaller town, so figuring out what to do with the same ingredients all the time will behoove me greatly.

Like I have mentioned to multiple people, I am very inspired by The Pioneer Woman and her blog. Not only does she write great anecdotes that encourage me about moving to the country, she also creates some very country-friendly food by using staple ingredients. This particular sandwich is her husband's, whom she calls Marlboro Man, favorite. So simple. Onions, cube steak, and a toasted bun. And, of course, very, VERY bad for you! Can't wait to try this one out on my own and on any house guests I invite over in my new, small town. Maybe I can make some new friends through yummy, simple food.

This is the other confection that I was caught by. My good friend, A, and I both share a love for chocolate truffles covered in sea salt. Chocolate + salt = YUM.

Also, I could substitute caramel for it. Because caramel + salt = DOUBLE YUM. I absolutely love the chocolate caramel truffles with sea salt at this artisan chocolate maker, Cocoa Dolce.

This is a little less simple than that sandwich up there, so maybe I can lure people in with my simple, down-home cooking and then wow them with amazing, hand-made chocolate truffles. New friends, here I come!

Oh, and by the way, old friends, I'll make this for you too! But you have to promise to come visit me in my new digs.

And new digs might be obtained on Friday. Yikes!

Home Away from Home and Future Home

My attempt at a good post today = EPIC fail.

Anyway. I don't feel like retyping all of that stuff again, so let's just get to the bullet points.

-I drove home last night after watching the Shockers get crushed in the Championship.
-I ended up driving home right behind the charter bus carrying those evil Redbirds. Funny.
-I drove to my parents' house, in case you were wondering what "home" was.
-I made it safely and enjoyed the company of their cats since they are out of town at the moment.
-I will be here for a week or so.
-I will make better posts in the future and fix my lack of blog savvy.

The end.

Summer

Today is like the first real day of summer. It's gorgeous, yet not too hot outside, the breeze feels amazing blowing through my windows, I can lounge around in a tank top on my bed and listen to some guilty pleasure music while writing this, and work was only 3 hours long this morning.

As for work, I recently started working at a well-known restaurant chain and apparently if I write the name or the names of any of my coworkers or managers I could get disciplined for it. And I would think this was stupid if it weren't for the fact that one of my favorite bloggers, Dooce, really did lose her job because she was not careful with information. SO. This restaurant will always be The Restaurant and, as usual, any names will remain initials only.

So then, orientation at The Restaurant was pretty fun today, but, then again, I always love orientations. It's super easy--how hard can it be to fill out forms and watch videos?--and you get lots of free food. And this was good food that I would choose to eat whether I worked there or not. Totally sweet deal. My friend D got me the job and another friend of mine, Tall B, works there as well. Tall B and I actually went through orientation together this morning, both as servers. I'm hoping that I can actually get to know him without feeling weird, because he reminds me very strongly of an old boyfriend whom I no longer like or respect. But I know Tall B is not that person. So we'll hope that I can work with Tall B without the urge to make disparaging remarks every time I see him.

SW and I haven't been on the greatest terms lately. And I don't know why. It's eating at my heart and I feel really helpless in it. And, in a way, I really am, for many of the barriers between us have nothing to do with me. He's struggling with a LOT right now and he needs to overcome these struggles in his own way. I can't tangibly help--I can only be there for him. I just wish I know how he wanted me to be there.

I called my parents this afternoon as well and they only talked to me for 13 minutes--5 minutes for my dad and 8 for my mom. Usually I forget to even call my parents, but I really wanted to talk to them today. I was actually really sad that they didn't stay on the phone longer. I do think I'll get to talk to my sister tomorrow, though, and hopefully me being a server now will provide even more connection between the two of us.

Anyway, my music makes me happy. I'm listening to--don't laugh--the soundtrack for Series 3 of Doctor Who. If you know what's good for you, you'll start watching the BBC's new Doctor Who, because it just might be talked about a lot by me. I've got my roommates hooked now and I'm moving out slowly to new people . . .