Ok, so I've been sufficiently chastised for not posting for, um, almost four months.
Wow, ok, so maybe I deserved the finger-shakings sent my way. Yikes. The things you all have missed when it comes to my life! Because I know you hang on my every word....
Either way, I'm back and let's get started.
Summer
Summer was amazing. It was wonderful. I wasn't bored. I ended up going to the pool the very next day after writing my post about being bored and lonely, and I finally got to see people. It was so refreshing that I went back the next day. And the next. And the next. And almost every day after that. I became a regular pool bunny!
Which, by the way, is a weird phrase. Am I using that correctly? Pool bunny? Eh, who knows.
I ended up losing about 15 pounds. Without trying. Ah, are any two words more magical when it comes to weight loss? I got more tan than I've ever been in my life. I was active and moving around like crazy. It was such a great time for me.
Friends
Oh my goodness, I finally made those friends! People to hang out with every single day of the summer.
I was never alone. I developed a special little group, and we all loved each other.
And many of them were those seniors that I had graduated in May. We became legitimate friends. And I got friends of my own age too!
Honestly, I had no idea how lonely I'd been during the last school year until finally being with people every single day. Something in my heart was filled again.
------------
There are lots of fun stories from the summer, but instead of immortalizing them here, I think I will let them stay in my mind. It was special and unique in many ways, and I took a break from blogging for a reason. I'm leaving everything else from this summer in the summer.
This blog was often very open and very personal last year. Not only when it came to work and school, but also when it came to my heart and my thoughts. However, this year my heart and my deep, personal thoughts will appear less on this blog. Whether that saddens you or relieves you, that's the way I'm going to do it this year. I finally have enough people I actually talk to, so this place will receive less of that.
One day soon, I hope to open up here again, but I'm closing up for a little while.
Otherwise, get ready for more fun things when it comes to school and life in a small town!
I'm back!
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I'm not dead . . . see?
Ok, I've been sufficiently chastised about my lack of posting.
So it's happening now.
School is over. The last time I posted school felt like it was far from over. I thought that I was stressed in earlier parts of the year, but I had no idea what was in store for me until I hit May. Wow. That was like being run over by a Mack truck. Every single day. Because I wasn't just stressed by my job or the time of the year, I was also stressed emotionally.
A good friend of mine warned me about graduating seniors. The stress they put on those teachers who truly love them and the hole they can rip in your heart.
That sounds dramatic, huh? Let me explain.
We'll establish some points first.
1. I truly loved my seniors. That was easy enough.
2. They were already special to me because they were my first seniors.
3. We were all looking forward to being friends.
So then their last day happens. We had our awards day, and it was wonderful. We all laughed knowing laughs when I described The Manipulator, shed some tears when I revealed The Arm, and gasped in amazement when we saw the portraits of The Emotional Arguer and The Possessor. It was a fun hour. It was a fun last day for them as well. I had visits and company in all of my subsequent hours. I tried to soak it in.
Then I accompanied the seniors on their senior skip day. It was a great day. Go Karts, rock climbing, Olive Garden, ice skating, the mall, seeing a movie. One of them couldn't make it on the trip however. My first pangs of sadness began.
That weekend my friend, Ann, and I tagged cars with my fellow teacher, Mr. G. Senior cars. And it was such a fun night. Especially because my "sons" showed up and played a great prank on me. Sidenote: that is why I love teaching in a small town. I could never interact with my students in that way if I was in a larger town or school. We ran around, tagged the cars, and had an awesome time.
Then came graduation day. I visited receptions all afternoon. They were good. Not painful at all. Then came graduation. I did my part. I sang. It went well. Then graduation started. They walked across the stage and got their pieces of paper and turned their tassels. Yes, I cried. They were done. I was done officially teaching them and having an established place in their lives.
That evening I went to another reception. I had a good time. I'll admit, I felt a little out of place at times. I imagine it'll take me a few more years to be able to just sit with people from around town and feel like I'm part of the conversation. Sometimes I still feel like an outsider. And there were other circumstances at hand. Anyway, there was a jumbo Jenga game. Saturday Night Live to watch (a favorite of mine, of course). And an Xbox trivia game which I dominated.
Then came the last official week of school. That first day back was torture. I'll admit it. I had an awful day. The rest of the week got better. School ended. Most of my seniors came back to visit with me, which cheered me immensely. The last day of school was celebrated by myself and some fellow employees. That was my first time of relaxation since . . . well, the school year began. Then I went to state track and state baseball.
And now I'm sitting here on my front porch and it's the second night of my official summer.
And I feel lonely.
And I feel bored.
And I feel unproductive.
Even though this is only my second day alone.
Even though I have lots of things on my summer To Do list.
Even though I've already worked through a few of them.
I used to do so well when it came to getting people in my life. I had finally become comfortable with calling up people and getting things together. I truly believe that loneliness is a choice. There are lots of people that I love that I know love me back and would really enjoy spending time together. The fact that I sit at home alone is entirely up to me because hey! I have a phone. I can call them. And they would most likely come over.
The hard part is that the people here that I love and want to spend time with were my students less than two weeks ago. Calling them and inviting them to actually hang out with me and do things still feels taboo. Talking to them is no problem. But setting up hang out times? I'm nervous and insecure all over again. What if they don't want to hang out with me? What if it's too weird? What if I'm boring and uncool and blah blah blah.
Lame, huh?
This is why insecurity is so annoying to the people who have to hear about it from others.
Because it's so STUPID.
For all I know they're feeling the same things I am, only on the other side of the coin. I bet they're thinking, "Why would Miss Martin (whoops, I meant to call her MB!) want to hang out with me? I'm probably not old enough for her to want to hang out. I bet she'd think hanging out with me was boring or stupid."
Ugh.
Come on new friends! Let's be boring together!
So it's happening now.
School is over. The last time I posted school felt like it was far from over. I thought that I was stressed in earlier parts of the year, but I had no idea what was in store for me until I hit May. Wow. That was like being run over by a Mack truck. Every single day. Because I wasn't just stressed by my job or the time of the year, I was also stressed emotionally.
A good friend of mine warned me about graduating seniors. The stress they put on those teachers who truly love them and the hole they can rip in your heart.
That sounds dramatic, huh? Let me explain.
We'll establish some points first.
1. I truly loved my seniors. That was easy enough.
2. They were already special to me because they were my first seniors.
3. We were all looking forward to being friends.
So then their last day happens. We had our awards day, and it was wonderful. We all laughed knowing laughs when I described The Manipulator, shed some tears when I revealed The Arm, and gasped in amazement when we saw the portraits of The Emotional Arguer and The Possessor. It was a fun hour. It was a fun last day for them as well. I had visits and company in all of my subsequent hours. I tried to soak it in.
Then I accompanied the seniors on their senior skip day. It was a great day. Go Karts, rock climbing, Olive Garden, ice skating, the mall, seeing a movie. One of them couldn't make it on the trip however. My first pangs of sadness began.
That weekend my friend, Ann, and I tagged cars with my fellow teacher, Mr. G. Senior cars. And it was such a fun night. Especially because my "sons" showed up and played a great prank on me. Sidenote: that is why I love teaching in a small town. I could never interact with my students in that way if I was in a larger town or school. We ran around, tagged the cars, and had an awesome time.
Then came graduation day. I visited receptions all afternoon. They were good. Not painful at all. Then came graduation. I did my part. I sang. It went well. Then graduation started. They walked across the stage and got their pieces of paper and turned their tassels. Yes, I cried. They were done. I was done officially teaching them and having an established place in their lives.
That evening I went to another reception. I had a good time. I'll admit, I felt a little out of place at times. I imagine it'll take me a few more years to be able to just sit with people from around town and feel like I'm part of the conversation. Sometimes I still feel like an outsider. And there were other circumstances at hand. Anyway, there was a jumbo Jenga game. Saturday Night Live to watch (a favorite of mine, of course). And an Xbox trivia game which I dominated.
Then came the last official week of school. That first day back was torture. I'll admit it. I had an awful day. The rest of the week got better. School ended. Most of my seniors came back to visit with me, which cheered me immensely. The last day of school was celebrated by myself and some fellow employees. That was my first time of relaxation since . . . well, the school year began. Then I went to state track and state baseball.
And now I'm sitting here on my front porch and it's the second night of my official summer.
And I feel lonely.
And I feel bored.
And I feel unproductive.
Even though this is only my second day alone.
Even though I have lots of things on my summer To Do list.
Even though I've already worked through a few of them.
I used to do so well when it came to getting people in my life. I had finally become comfortable with calling up people and getting things together. I truly believe that loneliness is a choice. There are lots of people that I love that I know love me back and would really enjoy spending time together. The fact that I sit at home alone is entirely up to me because hey! I have a phone. I can call them. And they would most likely come over.
The hard part is that the people here that I love and want to spend time with were my students less than two weeks ago. Calling them and inviting them to actually hang out with me and do things still feels taboo. Talking to them is no problem. But setting up hang out times? I'm nervous and insecure all over again. What if they don't want to hang out with me? What if it's too weird? What if I'm boring and uncool and blah blah blah.
Lame, huh?
This is why insecurity is so annoying to the people who have to hear about it from others.
Because it's so STUPID.
For all I know they're feeling the same things I am, only on the other side of the coin. I bet they're thinking, "Why would Miss Martin (whoops, I meant to call her MB!) want to hang out with me? I'm probably not old enough for her to want to hang out. I bet she'd think hanging out with me was boring or stupid."
Ugh.
Come on new friends! Let's be boring together!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Lists of things
I'm trying to think of what to write.
It's hard to come back to blogging when it's been such a long time since my last post.
I should really do better with all of that.
I think it's so hard because I have a lot of things that I could catch all of you up on.
But perhaps I should just regulate this particular post to the things currently going on.
How about I tell you what is around me?
1. My phone, dark and silent. Kind of lonely.
2. My new school laptop, playing Band of Horses....lovely.
3. My English 10 textbook, open to Julius Caesar, untouched and being avoided.
4. A pile of grading, including tests and papers. Also being avoided.
5. My "To Do" list. It currently has two of ten things crossed off.
6. An empty graham cracker package....my current fixation.
7. My nail box. I am typing this with newly brilliant red nails.
8. My Scrubs season 5 DVDs. Currently on pause while I listen to some good music.
How about I continue with listing things and I'll give you a list of the last few days?
1. I enjoyed my drive back to Ashland immensely. I left with lots of time to spare and just sort of meandered. I haven't had too many opportunities to do that. It was good thinking time.
2. I've been in the mood to buy new clothes lately. So I did. My spring and summer wardrobes are filling themselves out nicely. And my wallet is considerably slimmer. And for awhile I kept wondering why every girl I ever see in athletic shorts wears those Nike shorts. Now I know. And own two pairs.
3. One of my dear friends cut my hair, and it was lovely to catch up with her. She cuts a fine head of hair. And I'll be back as soon as school is out for something a little less tame. I almost put feathers in my hair, but I figured that was just a tad too trendy and unprofessional. Darn having to be professional. When summer is here look out, dangit!
Oh, and do you know about this feather trend? No? This is what I'm talking about, in case you missed it:
4. I saw four baseball games four days in a row. It was a good time. Even though I had to watch my Shockers lose the last one. Although I am slightly disheartened that the dancing and nicknames have lagged since I left for Ashland it is somewhat gratifying to know that it was my enthusiasm that spurred those things on. In my short time back I nicknamed/renamed four players, created a new dance, and resurrected a few old ones.
5. I've been looking at my standards and the things I desire lately. I've got a lot of conflicts going on in my heart. Questions I've been asking myself: Do I desire temporary happiness or fuller, yet harder, happiness? Are my expectations too high? Am I truly looking at the things in my life through the lens of reality? Would I truly be willing to drag my heart through the dirt for little or no gain? And do these questions even apply to my life right now?
6. I usually wear jeans in the summer. I create shorts by cutting up pants. I bought my first pair of real shorts this weekend. This is a large step forward. I am determined to put my legs out there. Not like a hussy, mind you, but like a normal person. They're not bad legs. They're pretty average. Ok, they're a little short, but I'm a little short, so I think it evens out to normal-looking legs if you don't compare them to anyone else's.
7. My relationship with Jesus has stagnated. Which sucks. Cause He's sort of amazing. And he died for me. And then totally conquered death and rose again. Dang. But if you're wondering why it might have stagnated, check out list item number 5. It all ties together.
8. Sometimes I tell people things that they don't need to know. Sometimes I tell them in places where these things don't need to be talked about. Sometimes I tell too many people too many things. If I told everyone that I owned a white car, well, that's a silly thing to tell them, but at least my car actually is white. If I instead told everyone that I was thinking about taking a trip to Europe over the summer (which I'm not), well, then by the time summer rolled around everyone would be waiting for a postcard from Prague. The point is, I tell too many people about too many up-in-the-air things which then makes me look foolish if they don't pan out.
9. Some things on my mind can't be talked about in a public forum. And I'm sorry, but they also can't be talked about with the large majority of people in my life. But I am so incredibly thankful for a few close friends who do not judge, who support me, who push me toward truth and good choices, and who are trying to understand what's going on in my head. And without them I'd be in a bad place.
10. It rained today. It made me happy.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Dresses and techno
It's been awhile, I know.
Things were tough that week. Not just that day. That week.
I cried. A lot. I haven't cried much since coming to Ashland. And that week the floodgates opened up. And it was legitimate, sure. No one likes being told they are hated. And me? Well, we know I take all things to heart, and I love everyone. And being hated by someone simply boggles my mind, I suppose.
Thankfully people reached out. And I felt loved. And comforted. And I'm grateful for all the people who soothed me, tried to make me laugh through the tears, and gave me some perspective.
Lots has gone on. I don't have space to get into it all. Many things are still the same. Loving my kids. Loving living here. Loving my surrogate family. Looking forward to summer. Still being a girl.
And speaking of being a girl, I went shopping for a Prom dress yesterday.
Let me remind you, my dear readers: I hate shopping. I'm too picky. And even worse, I hate shopping with people. So imagine my comfort while shopping for something specific (i.e. Prom dress) with people (i.e. my girlfriends) for an unspecified amount of time.
Don't get me wrong. I love my girls. And I loved seeing them. But I felt like I was dragging them along and taking up their afternoon while trying on awful dress after awful dress. Granted, the dresses were pretty and the girls were having fun (especially when I flashed them and hey, they asked for it!), but I still felt slightly uncomfortable.
BUT! This story has a happy ending! Prom dress has been procured! And wow. It's a beauty. It's a beautiful color, flowing and simple, yet very nicely shaped. I feel awesome in this dress.
It was, however much too long in the straps. And you know what? Today I actually acted even
more like a woman and shortened the straps myself. That's right, folks. Yours truly ripped seams, pushed down the straps, and sewed the dress back up. And it was successful!
Have I lost your attention my dear male readers? I know all this dress talk must be endlessly boring for you.
Hmm. How about this?
I saw HANNA as well.
Holy. Crap. What a movie.
It's beautiful and vicious. That's the best way to describe it. The fight scenes are Bourne-ish. The world is stylized and lush, even in stark places like the snowy forest. And the violence is unapologetic and incredibly in-your-face. These aren't characters who hesitate when it's time to pull the trigger. No. It gets done.
And the soundtrack? Oh my word. The Chemical Brothers. Not kidding, I was sitting practically
on my knees in the theatre chair because I was so excited by this music.
A sucker for kick-A fight scenes paired with hard, industrial techno and throbbing bass? Yeah, ok, you caught me. Guilty.
Here, take a listen to this one. Made the movie for me.
Don't like it? Well, no one's perfect. But I'll like you just a little bit less.
Things were tough that week. Not just that day. That week.
I cried. A lot. I haven't cried much since coming to Ashland. And that week the floodgates opened up. And it was legitimate, sure. No one likes being told they are hated. And me? Well, we know I take all things to heart, and I love everyone. And being hated by someone simply boggles my mind, I suppose.
Thankfully people reached out. And I felt loved. And comforted. And I'm grateful for all the people who soothed me, tried to make me laugh through the tears, and gave me some perspective.
Lots has gone on. I don't have space to get into it all. Many things are still the same. Loving my kids. Loving living here. Loving my surrogate family. Looking forward to summer. Still being a girl.
And speaking of being a girl, I went shopping for a Prom dress yesterday.
Let me remind you, my dear readers: I hate shopping. I'm too picky. And even worse, I hate shopping with people. So imagine my comfort while shopping for something specific (i.e. Prom dress) with people (i.e. my girlfriends) for an unspecified amount of time.
Don't get me wrong. I love my girls. And I loved seeing them. But I felt like I was dragging them along and taking up their afternoon while trying on awful dress after awful dress. Granted, the dresses were pretty and the girls were having fun (especially when I flashed them and hey, they asked for it!), but I still felt slightly uncomfortable.
BUT! This story has a happy ending! Prom dress has been procured! And wow. It's a beauty. It's a beautiful color, flowing and simple, yet very nicely shaped. I feel awesome in this dress.
It was, however much too long in the straps. And you know what? Today I actually acted even
more like a woman and shortened the straps myself. That's right, folks. Yours truly ripped seams, pushed down the straps, and sewed the dress back up. And it was successful!
Have I lost your attention my dear male readers? I know all this dress talk must be endlessly boring for you.
Hmm. How about this?
I saw HANNA as well.
Holy. Crap. What a movie.
It's beautiful and vicious. That's the best way to describe it. The fight scenes are Bourne-ish. The world is stylized and lush, even in stark places like the snowy forest. And the violence is unapologetic and incredibly in-your-face. These aren't characters who hesitate when it's time to pull the trigger. No. It gets done.
And the soundtrack? Oh my word. The Chemical Brothers. Not kidding, I was sitting practically
on my knees in the theatre chair because I was so excited by this music.
A sucker for kick-A fight scenes paired with hard, industrial techno and throbbing bass? Yeah, ok, you caught me. Guilty.
Here, take a listen to this one. Made the movie for me.
Don't like it? Well, no one's perfect. But I'll like you just a little bit less.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
15 weeks until summer . . .
I said I was going to post this weekend. I promised. And the weekend is rapidly coming to a close. So it's post or consider myself a liar.
I'm not a liar.
Mostly because it's wrong but also because I'm bad at it. Ok, mostly because I'm bad at it. Thanks, God, for making me bad at it because I clearly lack the moral standards to do right for the sake of doing right.
The thing about saying I was going to post, however, is this:
I have no idea what to write.
My emotions have been all over the place this week.
I have gone from thinking the world of the young men and women about to enter real life to despair at the fact that they ALL have so much more growing up to do. Seriously. I was really spiraling on Thursday night, and that's rare for me. I actually had to go out and distract myself from the increasingly depressing thoughts swimming in my head.
I've giggled like an eight year old talking about her first crush with a girlfriend. The struggles of my heart lifted for a bit, and I had a chance to just enjoy chatting about boys with my friend. To have fun with the fact that I actually have crushes for the first time in a LONG time.
I have tried to help a friend going through a rough time, and run the gamut of emotions with that situation. Sympathy, pity, sorrow, frustration, exasperation, annoyance, concern. I want to help him, and I want to be there for him, but it's situations like this that show me how mean and cynical I can be sometimes. Seriously, without Jesus I would be quite mean to others.
My head and heart have been busy this week.
I've realized something.
Ok, one of my Spiritual gifts is discernment. I can see who people are at their core, what they need to grow in, and who they could potentially be.
This should be helpful in teaching because I can pinpoint things in students, help them grow, and know how to encourage them. However, sometimes my nature prompts me to overlook their faults. I just skip straight to the potential I see in them.
Naturally, they respond well to that, wouldn't you? If you were an 18 year old who's made his share of mistakes in life and no one ever lets you forget them, wouldn't you be grateful for someone new who doesn't know those things or judge you by them and sees only potential for greatness in you? Of course you would!
And, seriously, my students could be such incredible men and women.
But then a failing or a fault or a past mistake I never knew about becomes clear to me. I find myself saddened or disappointed (which is what was going on this Thursday), and I begin to lose faith in that student.
And that's awful, frankly. That mistake has always been there, but I just didn't know about it. That student is the same student she was five minutes ago BEFORE I knew about this stumbling point in her life. Why should I suddenly doubt her potential or ability?
I shouldn't, duh.
I should instead admire the changes she HAS made. I should push him to make more. I should challenge him to ask himself what he really wants to be in life. I should always expect the absolute best out of her.
...
In other news, it felt so, so, so good to just run around and chill with a friend last night. Someone in my age range. Someone I can relate to and want to talk to. I really needed that.
And I gave a lot of hugs this weekend. It felt good, honestly.
And I really like backs. Big, strong backs.
Oh, and apple butter on toast is divine.
Oh, and I used to only be attracted to brown eyes. I am now attracted to blue eyes as well.
Oh, and an extremely funny and cute movie is one called Barry Munday. It's about a man who loses his balls in an accident and then discovers he's going to have a child. So great.
...
All right, I think that covers everything I promised.
I'm not a liar.
Mostly because it's wrong but also because I'm bad at it. Ok, mostly because I'm bad at it. Thanks, God, for making me bad at it because I clearly lack the moral standards to do right for the sake of doing right.
The thing about saying I was going to post, however, is this:
I have no idea what to write.
My emotions have been all over the place this week.
I have gone from thinking the world of the young men and women about to enter real life to despair at the fact that they ALL have so much more growing up to do. Seriously. I was really spiraling on Thursday night, and that's rare for me. I actually had to go out and distract myself from the increasingly depressing thoughts swimming in my head.
I've giggled like an eight year old talking about her first crush with a girlfriend. The struggles of my heart lifted for a bit, and I had a chance to just enjoy chatting about boys with my friend. To have fun with the fact that I actually have crushes for the first time in a LONG time.
I have tried to help a friend going through a rough time, and run the gamut of emotions with that situation. Sympathy, pity, sorrow, frustration, exasperation, annoyance, concern. I want to help him, and I want to be there for him, but it's situations like this that show me how mean and cynical I can be sometimes. Seriously, without Jesus I would be quite mean to others.
My head and heart have been busy this week.
I've realized something.
Ok, one of my Spiritual gifts is discernment. I can see who people are at their core, what they need to grow in, and who they could potentially be.
This should be helpful in teaching because I can pinpoint things in students, help them grow, and know how to encourage them. However, sometimes my nature prompts me to overlook their faults. I just skip straight to the potential I see in them.
Naturally, they respond well to that, wouldn't you? If you were an 18 year old who's made his share of mistakes in life and no one ever lets you forget them, wouldn't you be grateful for someone new who doesn't know those things or judge you by them and sees only potential for greatness in you? Of course you would!
And, seriously, my students could be such incredible men and women.
But then a failing or a fault or a past mistake I never knew about becomes clear to me. I find myself saddened or disappointed (which is what was going on this Thursday), and I begin to lose faith in that student.
And that's awful, frankly. That mistake has always been there, but I just didn't know about it. That student is the same student she was five minutes ago BEFORE I knew about this stumbling point in her life. Why should I suddenly doubt her potential or ability?
I shouldn't, duh.
I should instead admire the changes she HAS made. I should push him to make more. I should challenge him to ask himself what he really wants to be in life. I should always expect the absolute best out of her.
...
In other news, it felt so, so, so good to just run around and chill with a friend last night. Someone in my age range. Someone I can relate to and want to talk to. I really needed that.
And I gave a lot of hugs this weekend. It felt good, honestly.
And I really like backs. Big, strong backs.
Oh, and apple butter on toast is divine.
Oh, and I used to only be attracted to brown eyes. I am now attracted to blue eyes as well.
Oh, and an extremely funny and cute movie is one called Barry Munday. It's about a man who loses his balls in an accident and then discovers he's going to have a child. So great.
...
All right, I think that covers everything I promised.
Monday, December 20, 2010
A birthday and a lock-in
Ah, so much to catch up on. Sorry, my gentle readers! I have left you hanging without any tasty morsels for over a week now!
Bad blogger, bad blogger.
To be honest, I've been having such a fun week I didn't have time to sit down and write it all out! Let's start from the top:
1. My Birthday
What a day! My best friend, Kristy, comes in the night before and plans on being with me all day at school. I'll admit, I'm a little nervous about this, seeing as my kids can be unpredictable sometimes, but I'm looking forward to it anyway.
I arrive at school and discover myself staring at this when I come up to my door. What the . . .?
Then I open up the door and discover that my entire room is completely decked out for my birthday. Plastic cup streamers. Messages spelled out on paper plates on my walls. Messages on my board. Tumbleweeds for decoration. My bathroom pass wrapped in tin foil (awesome!).
And who did this for me? My new bestie here in town, AB. What a great friend! My days started off so well because of her and her thoughtfulness. Later I discovered that she enlisted the help of some of my students, which made me feel even more blessed and loved. And the day was just beginning!
My students in my core classes were well-behaved and we had a good time even though it wasn't the greatest day for Kristy to see just how much fun we normally have. Monday was the day when a lot of things got piled onto them and we happened to have some hiccups with technology, too. Joy! But it all got worked out.
I loved the fact that Kristy could finally put some faces with some names, especially for a few students. She even felt comfortable enough to trade jabs with one of my more, um, colorful students, a source of great entertainment for me. And at the end of the day, AB showed up with a homemade cake just for me! Incredible! I thought the day couldn't get any better.
Kristy took me out to the local restaurant, which is great. I had my first steak in, oh, I don't know how long. Sigh. I realized just how much I missed red meat--for some reason it's really hard to cook it just for myself. Either way, my rare/medium rare ribeye hit the spot--especially because I got to gross Kristy out with how red it was in the middle. Mmm. Doesn't she realize it's not steak unless it's practically still mooing? Silly girl.
When we got home we made some special hot chocolate (double yum) and popped in a movie. Very good. Very dramatic. Notes on a Scandal. You should check it out. After that Kristy and I were feeling a little sleepy, but I suddenly got a text from a friend telling me that there's a meteor shower going on.
!
I am instantly awake and desperate to get out there and see some stars! Kristy's getting even more tired, so she tells me to head out. I pulled on as many layers as possible, grabbed my hat and a blanket, and hopped in my car. Off I go to the far NW. It's more dark and clear than anything I could have ever found in Wichita. I parked in a field, wrapped the blanket around me and laid on my back window just staring up at the sky. It was freezing and amazing. I saw some beautiful stars, got to talk to Daddy for a bit, and ended my day perfectly.
2. Youth Lock-In
Have I told you all yet how much I love my students? Because, um, I really do. We started our lock-in with some caroling at the rest home, then drove around town spreading Christmas cheer. Then back to the church for hot chocolate (yum again!) and games. Then a Bible mystery game (fun). Then a white elephant gift exchange (where my colorful student--who shall from here on out be known as Tubby--decided it would be a good time to torture Miss Martin by putting a jock strap on over his shorts and walk up to her--no lie). Then to the high school for some strobe light volleyball. That lasts for about an hour, then two more hours of regular volleyball. Then back for a game of Angels and Demons (holy cow did the kids love that game). Then chilling out with students, talking and laughing (perhaps my favorite part of the night). Then a concert by yours truly (at the students' demand). Then breakfast. Then cleanup. Then home for a two hour nap before church.
Phew!
Let's see. I had so much fun, partly because I got to spend some time with new friends, partly because I got to interact with my students outside of school, and partly because I didn't have to act like a teacher at the lock-in.
I never mind acting like a teacher. I mean, I am one, and I love the job! But really, for youth group, this was the first time the kids have had a chance to just sort of chill with Miss Martin and have fun. Of course, I still make them call me Miss Martin (some might say it's a silly rule, but it's what I've chosen), but overall it was a sort of relief to just have fun with them.
.
Hmm, I was going to give you a little more here, but I suddenly decided to wait.
So, dear reader, you'll have to wait until tomorrow or so to get a little more from me. Hope you didn't get too disgusted with such an overwhelmingly happy post. Perhaps next time I can add a few anecdotes for you from my various students. There are enough rolling around in my head to keep you laughing for quite awhile.
Bad blogger, bad blogger.
To be honest, I've been having such a fun week I didn't have time to sit down and write it all out! Let's start from the top:
1. My Birthday
What a day! My best friend, Kristy, comes in the night before and plans on being with me all day at school. I'll admit, I'm a little nervous about this, seeing as my kids can be unpredictable sometimes, but I'm looking forward to it anyway.
Then I open up the door and discover that my entire room is completely decked out for my birthday. Plastic cup streamers. Messages spelled out on paper plates on my walls. Messages on my board. Tumbleweeds for decoration. My bathroom pass wrapped in tin foil (awesome!).
And who did this for me? My new bestie here in town, AB. What a great friend! My days started off so well because of her and her thoughtfulness. Later I discovered that she enlisted the help of some of my students, which made me feel even more blessed and loved. And the day was just beginning!
I loved the fact that Kristy could finally put some faces with some names, especially for a few students. She even felt comfortable enough to trade jabs with one of my more, um, colorful students, a source of great entertainment for me. And at the end of the day, AB showed up with a homemade cake just for me! Incredible! I thought the day couldn't get any better.
Kristy took me out to the local restaurant, which is great. I had my first steak in, oh, I don't know how long. Sigh. I realized just how much I missed red meat--for some reason it's really hard to cook it just for myself. Either way, my rare/medium rare ribeye hit the spot--especially because I got to gross Kristy out with how red it was in the middle. Mmm. Doesn't she realize it's not steak unless it's practically still mooing? Silly girl.
When we got home we made some special hot chocolate (double yum) and popped in a movie. Very good. Very dramatic. Notes on a Scandal. You should check it out. After that Kristy and I were feeling a little sleepy, but I suddenly got a text from a friend telling me that there's a meteor shower going on.
!
I am instantly awake and desperate to get out there and see some stars! Kristy's getting even more tired, so she tells me to head out. I pulled on as many layers as possible, grabbed my hat and a blanket, and hopped in my car. Off I go to the far NW. It's more dark and clear than anything I could have ever found in Wichita. I parked in a field, wrapped the blanket around me and laid on my back window just staring up at the sky. It was freezing and amazing. I saw some beautiful stars, got to talk to Daddy for a bit, and ended my day perfectly.
2. Youth Lock-In
Have I told you all yet how much I love my students? Because, um, I really do. We started our lock-in with some caroling at the rest home, then drove around town spreading Christmas cheer. Then back to the church for hot chocolate (yum again!) and games. Then a Bible mystery game (fun). Then a white elephant gift exchange (where my colorful student--who shall from here on out be known as Tubby--decided it would be a good time to torture Miss Martin by putting a jock strap on over his shorts and walk up to her--no lie). Then to the high school for some strobe light volleyball. That lasts for about an hour, then two more hours of regular volleyball. Then back for a game of Angels and Demons (holy cow did the kids love that game). Then chilling out with students, talking and laughing (perhaps my favorite part of the night). Then a concert by yours truly (at the students' demand). Then breakfast. Then cleanup. Then home for a two hour nap before church.
Phew!
Let's see. I had so much fun, partly because I got to spend some time with new friends, partly because I got to interact with my students outside of school, and partly because I didn't have to act like a teacher at the lock-in.
I never mind acting like a teacher. I mean, I am one, and I love the job! But really, for youth group, this was the first time the kids have had a chance to just sort of chill with Miss Martin and have fun. Of course, I still make them call me Miss Martin (some might say it's a silly rule, but it's what I've chosen), but overall it was a sort of relief to just have fun with them.
.
Hmm, I was going to give you a little more here, but I suddenly decided to wait.
So, dear reader, you'll have to wait until tomorrow or so to get a little more from me. Hope you didn't get too disgusted with such an overwhelmingly happy post. Perhaps next time I can add a few anecdotes for you from my various students. There are enough rolling around in my head to keep you laughing for quite awhile.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
A Thanksgiving post, obviously.
Ah, the obligatory Thanksgiving post.
Sometimes listing off all the things I'm thankful for can feel so trite, if I'm really honest, but this year I have so much to be thankful for. Some are small. Some are big. Some are familiar and constant, and some are new and exciting.
Now that my hands are clean after giving the turkey an olive oil rubdown (yes, you heard me), let's get on to the list!
1. Ready for the Superchurch answer? . . . Jesus!
I could say so much here, and it would never be enough. He has dictated every part of my life and He has never failed me. He is my bridegroom and my home, and He will never leave me.
2. My new home.
You've seen the house in posts before, so you know that it's pretty adorable. With limited options, I ended up getting a house better than I imagined. Not too big, pretty cute, and with enough projects to keep me busy, I couldn't have asked for more.
3. My new job.
I became a teacher because I knew I'd do well. I discovered that I love teaching. I get to go to school every day, talk about literature, keep things organized (and those of you who know me understand!), and hang out with kids all day. And make fun of them. And laugh at them. And seriously, I laugh and smile all day long. You've read some stories already, like this one and this one, and I'll always have more for you. I wake up each day excited for work, and I don't know many people who can say that.
4. My new town.
If I'm brutally honest (and let's face it, I usually am), I did not want to come here. I wanted to stay where things were familiar. Who wouldn't? But God said no and sent me here. And you know what? He totally knew what he was doing. I adore this place. The school. The feeling of community. New friends. My church. Knowing people and being known.
5. My new life.
God shut a lot of things down for me last spring. It was hard, to put it lightly. I thought my new life would be getting out into the world and moving to a big city. I thought teaching would simply be a short pit stop before my real life began. And I think that's changed. Crazy, right? I feel like I could stay here forever. Teach here forever. A man might steal me away someday, but until then, I think I'll be here indefinitely. And that's exciting!
6. Friends and family.
Not too much to say. Just that I love them so much and would not be the woman I am today without them. I have been so blessed, and I hope these pictures will show you why.
Sometimes listing off all the things I'm thankful for can feel so trite, if I'm really honest, but this year I have so much to be thankful for. Some are small. Some are big. Some are familiar and constant, and some are new and exciting.
Now that my hands are clean after giving the turkey an olive oil rubdown (yes, you heard me), let's get on to the list!
1. Ready for the Superchurch answer? . . . Jesus!
I could say so much here, and it would never be enough. He has dictated every part of my life and He has never failed me. He is my bridegroom and my home, and He will never leave me.
2. My new home.
You've seen the house in posts before, so you know that it's pretty adorable. With limited options, I ended up getting a house better than I imagined. Not too big, pretty cute, and with enough projects to keep me busy, I couldn't have asked for more.
3. My new job.
I became a teacher because I knew I'd do well. I discovered that I love teaching. I get to go to school every day, talk about literature, keep things organized (and those of you who know me understand!), and hang out with kids all day. And make fun of them. And laugh at them. And seriously, I laugh and smile all day long. You've read some stories already, like this one and this one, and I'll always have more for you. I wake up each day excited for work, and I don't know many people who can say that.
4. My new town.
If I'm brutally honest (and let's face it, I usually am), I did not want to come here. I wanted to stay where things were familiar. Who wouldn't? But God said no and sent me here. And you know what? He totally knew what he was doing. I adore this place. The school. The feeling of community. New friends. My church. Knowing people and being known.
5. My new life.
God shut a lot of things down for me last spring. It was hard, to put it lightly. I thought my new life would be getting out into the world and moving to a big city. I thought teaching would simply be a short pit stop before my real life began. And I think that's changed. Crazy, right? I feel like I could stay here forever. Teach here forever. A man might steal me away someday, but until then, I think I'll be here indefinitely. And that's exciting!
6. Friends and family.
Not too much to say. Just that I love them so much and would not be the woman I am today without them. I have been so blessed, and I hope these pictures will show you why.
I love my dad. He taught me as a father and as a teacher. I learned most of my good teaching skills from him.
And by him constantly berating me and putting me down, I learned how to hold my own. Love you, Dad!
My mother is one of my best friends which I never would have imagined in high school.
She taught me to love music, love people, and love decorating. And I love her.
Ah, Seeeester. We've hated each other enough for two lifetimes. Now we love each other. Always and forever. And look how pretty she is!
Oh my brothers in Christ. There are more of you, and I appreciate all of you. Your concern for my safety, my heart, and my life has blessed me.
You show me such a picture of Christ's love, and reassure me that there are amazing and incredible godly men out there.
The last generation of the Bluff house. Some of the best years of my life with some of the best girls.
Oh, my dear Meghan. Your sweet and gentle heart inspires me. Your passion for your causes motivates me in mine (even if we're different).
You cut some mean hair and have fabulous taste.
My little Sarah. You're like a surrogate little sister to me. And a friend. All rolled in one. Your obsessions make me giggle and my weirdness makes
you shake your head. We're a good pair, and I miss you.
Amy. Amy, Amy, Amy. You know my heart, and I know yours. Honestly, we get each other. And this picture
illustrates visually that we are twins mentally.
Ah Joyce, our tears and laughter have filled many precious hours of my life. I love you so much, my sister.
Saras, you are so fetch. And sweet. And I love that we became fast friends, and I'm sad that I'm no longer there with you.
Kristy, you know my deepest heart, and I am honored to know yours. Thank you for all your words and encouragement.
I am, and will always be, grateful for your hand in my life during this year.
Anna MinneMAN! I love you so much my darling. You are sweet and precious, and I am mean to you. It's the way it is.
You're one of my oldest friends, and I love that we've seen each other grow over the years. No one's singing will ever more to me than yours.
Trust me, I could go on and on about people. You might even find some surprising. But I have to stop at some point! Suffice to say, the people in my life are incredible blessings every day. They energize me, encourage me, comfort me, challenge me, and love me. And I love them.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
I want to be fat . . . keep reading. It'll make sense.
Yikes. The last few days have slowly heaped on more bad things for me than I've had in the entire four months I've lived in my beautiful, small town!
First, I was again confronted with my own ugliness and selfishness. Thanksgiving is coming up, and it's a time for family, togetherness, and thankfulness, right? Well, it's also the time that MB gets the most selfish.
Let me explain.
I'm not one to invite people to family functions. I'm just not. I don't know why. I dated someone for six years and never even felt strange about not having him at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Those times are sacred to me somehow, and I just always figured I'd never invite anyone until he was officially part of my family.
Now, for those of you who are open and welcoming and inviting, that's strange. Don't worry. I understand. I've been informed that it's a little closed-off of me.
Well, my sister is one of those open, welcoming, and inviting young ladies, and she rightly wants to welcome her new boyfriend into our celebration. Now, past history aside, I should be fine with that.
Except, this year, the celebration is taking place at my house, making me the final decision-maker. I guess I didn't realize that I'd have to make a decision like that and that it would affect me so deeply.
I discovered that I didn't want him to come. I discovered that I am so selfish about it that I threw a tantrum because of it. Oh, you heard me. A literal tantrum. Crying, whining, accusing others, and saying phrases like "It's just not fair," and "How could you do this to me?"
Yikes.
Double Yikes.
Long story a little longer, I finally decided to let him come. And now I just have to whip my selfish and whiny butt into shape so that he feels welcome.
Second, our boys lost Sub-State last night. That was pretty rough.
Your first year as a teacher, you develop a strong bond with your first "batch" of students. And, naturally, since it's a small school, the majority of the young men are on the football team. And I already love football, so when we say our boys I really men our boys. My boys, even.
My heart just breaks for my senior guys. There's more pressure and history going on this year than most, for the town works in generations. The generation before won State, and now those men's sons are on the football team, and it was their year to win State. It was crushing for them on many levels.
So, I suppose this tough thing is not necessarily my tough thing, but their pain is pretty intense.
And I feel like a momma or a sister bear. My cubs are in pain, and I'm in pain for them.
Third, I got a speeding ticket last night. Why? Oh, just not paying attention.
Yeah. I think that speaks for itself.
And now, it's all preparing me for this afternoon.
I love weddings, OK? Don't get me wrong. I tear up when almost every bride floats down the aisle. It's the smiles on their faces. You've never seen a woman look more radiant than on her wedding day. Perhaps the moment she gives birth, but more people get the chance to see more weddings than live births, so I figured that was a better event to put in first place.
But this wedding this afternoon will be rough. It will put me to the test. The monolith will be present. It'll be in person monolith time.
And I'm not sure how I'll handle it.
God's been throwing these rough things at me lately, and I think I've figured out why.
It's like I'm a big,juicy steak, ready to be thrown onto the flames. God is the chef. He's an excellent chef. He's tenderized me right up until I'm ready to go on the grill. He's going to do everything right.
But we'll find out if I have the proper marbling to be truly delicious, or if I instead am fat-free and end up tough and chewy. Gross.
Dear Lord, please let me be fat.
Side note: Want to see how it turned out?
First, I was again confronted with my own ugliness and selfishness. Thanksgiving is coming up, and it's a time for family, togetherness, and thankfulness, right? Well, it's also the time that MB gets the most selfish.
Let me explain.
I'm not one to invite people to family functions. I'm just not. I don't know why. I dated someone for six years and never even felt strange about not having him at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Those times are sacred to me somehow, and I just always figured I'd never invite anyone until he was officially part of my family.
Now, for those of you who are open and welcoming and inviting, that's strange. Don't worry. I understand. I've been informed that it's a little closed-off of me.
Well, my sister is one of those open, welcoming, and inviting young ladies, and she rightly wants to welcome her new boyfriend into our celebration. Now, past history aside, I should be fine with that.
Except, this year, the celebration is taking place at my house, making me the final decision-maker. I guess I didn't realize that I'd have to make a decision like that and that it would affect me so deeply.
I discovered that I didn't want him to come. I discovered that I am so selfish about it that I threw a tantrum because of it. Oh, you heard me. A literal tantrum. Crying, whining, accusing others, and saying phrases like "It's just not fair," and "How could you do this to me?"
Yikes.
Double Yikes.
Long story a little longer, I finally decided to let him come. And now I just have to whip my selfish and whiny butt into shape so that he feels welcome.
Second, our boys lost Sub-State last night. That was pretty rough.
Your first year as a teacher, you develop a strong bond with your first "batch" of students. And, naturally, since it's a small school, the majority of the young men are on the football team. And I already love football, so when we say our boys I really men our boys. My boys, even.
My heart just breaks for my senior guys. There's more pressure and history going on this year than most, for the town works in generations. The generation before won State, and now those men's sons are on the football team, and it was their year to win State. It was crushing for them on many levels.
So, I suppose this tough thing is not necessarily my tough thing, but their pain is pretty intense.
And I feel like a momma or a sister bear. My cubs are in pain, and I'm in pain for them.
Third, I got a speeding ticket last night. Why? Oh, just not paying attention.
Yeah. I think that speaks for itself.
And now, it's all preparing me for this afternoon.
I love weddings, OK? Don't get me wrong. I tear up when almost every bride floats down the aisle. It's the smiles on their faces. You've never seen a woman look more radiant than on her wedding day. Perhaps the moment she gives birth, but more people get the chance to see more weddings than live births, so I figured that was a better event to put in first place.
But this wedding this afternoon will be rough. It will put me to the test. The monolith will be present. It'll be in person monolith time.
And I'm not sure how I'll handle it.
God's been throwing these rough things at me lately, and I think I've figured out why.
It's like I'm a big,juicy steak, ready to be thrown onto the flames. God is the chef. He's an excellent chef. He's tenderized me right up until I'm ready to go on the grill. He's going to do everything right.
But we'll find out if I have the proper marbling to be truly delicious, or if I instead am fat-free and end up tough and chewy. Gross.
Dear Lord, please let me be fat.
Side note: Want to see how it turned out?
Monday, November 8, 2010
New York Trip: Chris
Perhaps my favorite part of my trip to New York (which took place a full MONTH ago!) was the opportunity to see my bestie from high school.
There was a time that Chris and I were inseparable. Joined at the hip. Finished each others' sentences. We've laughed together, cried (tears of laughter) together, and acted together. I've helped him postpone the heat death of the universe and he's raped me.
Wait, did she just say that? What does that mean? How are these people friends? What kind of site IS this? Unfollow, unfollow!
Calm down, people. It was in a play we did together, and my dad even showed him how to do it, so look: Dad approved!
. . . and then I just lost the last few who were hanging on.
Either way, Chris is incredibly dear to my heart, and I was dying (and a little nervous) to see him after SIX whole years without actually being in each others' presence.
I tell you, that first hello was awkward.
A stilted hug, figuring out what to do with Chris in a beard, dealing with the fact that we're both working ADULTS (yikes), and wondering why his voice sounds weirdly different. Not to mention that our reunion was happening in the press room at New York Comic Con, which, of course, made things even more awkward.
Also, the first night out was a little tough. Blaring music can make catching up with a long-lost friend difficult for even the most dedicated reminiscer.
But things leveled out, and Saturday evening and Sunday were so great. We argued over who would cover the checks, ate Pad Thai, drank some delicious beverages, hung out with his coworkers and (perhaps) friends, enjoyed the city, and talked about all our favorite subjects: love lives, food, TV and film, people from high school, and the Chiefs.
I finally got to meet his lady, but the first meeting was awkward. I was holding down the floor of their living room, so my first night in the city I bunk down AFTER she's already gone to sleep upstairs. So my first meeting with his pretty girl was uncomfortable. But things finally even out on Saturday evening. She's everything I'd imagine for Chris.
Repping the Chiefs shirt at the Potato Famine Memorial in lower Manhattan. That's how we do.
It will doubtless be awhile before I see my friend again, but hopefully it won't be six years.
The best part about the weekend? Falling back into the familiar banter which defined our friendship during our time at LSHS.
Some things never change, and I am so incredibly grateful for it.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
New York Trip: The City
Ah, the city. The City. I love the city.
The first step out of the subway station was an instant onslaught of dirty pavement, rushing crowds, old grease, new grease, honking horns, and so much more. The smell of old asphalt. One hundred different aromas from one hundred different eateries. Barely a sliver of blue in the sky.
Instant. Love.
I found myself telling people that I either need a tiny town or a gigantic city. I've discovered that suburban life does not suit me. I need to feel connected to something.
*Small town: connected to people, community, values, and school.
*Huge city: connected to culture, life, events, the world on a large scale.
*Suburbs: connected to . . . my house, my SUV, and my kids' activities.
You know, part of the reason I do not connect with the suburbs seems to be their focus on material things. Shopping? Acquiring things? Upgrading? Not for me.
Now, you might think this would make someplace like New York City a difficult place to love, for it's a very status-driven place, but honestly, I love it. I felt no pressure to fix my clothing or my status.
I love being able to walk block after block and see every skin color, hear dozens of languages, and find something new on every corner. I love the opportunity to see the newest, most independent films and hear the freshest music in person.
My word, and the food. The food.
My favorite foods in the entire world are not easy to find in Kansas, especially Western Kansas. Sushi and Pad Thai are not easy to find here, and I doubt anyone has even heard of Pho (much less knows how to pronounce it). And all of those can be found on practically every street in the great city of New York. I don't have to drive an hour to get Pad Thai and three to get sushi. And besides sushi, I managed to eat all of my favorite foods while I was in the city.
The Pad Thai was probably my favorite. It was a tiny hole-in-the-wall place with only four tables and the second-best Pad Thai I've ever had (no one can beat Siam in my ICT, what, WHAT?). The Pho was excellent as well (it was duck), but I'm a sucker for Thai noodles.
After leaving the Con around noon on Saturday, I decided to wander around the city. I didn't get too far before noticing a movie theatre. Well, you know me; I can't pass up a movie--especially if it's one I really want to see. And this one was, so I popped into the theatre to watch Buried.
So good. So raw. Terrifying, but not in a horror movie way. It's two hours of one man in a box. Sounds awful. Is actually amazing. And it's Ryan Reynolds. Not looking beautiful, just being an incredible actor.
Besides that, the rest of the time was spent just walking the city. I love walking. My feet became raw from all the walking, but it was more than worth it. Just seeing the skyline, the harbor, Lady Liberty, Ground Zero, and many other things made my trip fabulous.
And now, some pictures!
The city would be tough alone, though, so the next post will concern the last part of my trip: seeing Chris and reviving an old friendship, probably the best part of the entire trip.
Stay tuned!
The first step out of the subway station was an instant onslaught of dirty pavement, rushing crowds, old grease, new grease, honking horns, and so much more. The smell of old asphalt. One hundred different aromas from one hundred different eateries. Barely a sliver of blue in the sky.
Instant. Love.
I found myself telling people that I either need a tiny town or a gigantic city. I've discovered that suburban life does not suit me. I need to feel connected to something.
*Small town: connected to people, community, values, and school.
*Huge city: connected to culture, life, events, the world on a large scale.
*Suburbs: connected to . . . my house, my SUV, and my kids' activities.
You know, part of the reason I do not connect with the suburbs seems to be their focus on material things. Shopping? Acquiring things? Upgrading? Not for me.
Now, you might think this would make someplace like New York City a difficult place to love, for it's a very status-driven place, but honestly, I love it. I felt no pressure to fix my clothing or my status.
I love being able to walk block after block and see every skin color, hear dozens of languages, and find something new on every corner. I love the opportunity to see the newest, most independent films and hear the freshest music in person.
My word, and the food. The food.
My favorite foods in the entire world are not easy to find in Kansas, especially Western Kansas. Sushi and Pad Thai are not easy to find here, and I doubt anyone has even heard of Pho (much less knows how to pronounce it). And all of those can be found on practically every street in the great city of New York. I don't have to drive an hour to get Pad Thai and three to get sushi. And besides sushi, I managed to eat all of my favorite foods while I was in the city.
The Pad Thai was probably my favorite. It was a tiny hole-in-the-wall place with only four tables and the second-best Pad Thai I've ever had (no one can beat Siam in my ICT, what, WHAT?). The Pho was excellent as well (it was duck), but I'm a sucker for Thai noodles.
After leaving the Con around noon on Saturday, I decided to wander around the city. I didn't get too far before noticing a movie theatre. Well, you know me; I can't pass up a movie--especially if it's one I really want to see. And this one was, so I popped into the theatre to watch Buried.
So good. So raw. Terrifying, but not in a horror movie way. It's two hours of one man in a box. Sounds awful. Is actually amazing. And it's Ryan Reynolds. Not looking beautiful, just being an incredible actor.
Besides that, the rest of the time was spent just walking the city. I love walking. My feet became raw from all the walking, but it was more than worth it. Just seeing the skyline, the harbor, Lady Liberty, Ground Zero, and many other things made my trip fabulous.
And now, some pictures!
Stay tuned!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Wasn't going to, but . . .
Fall is in the air.
Last, but not least, remember how much I like (ahem, adore) Bill Hader and his eyebrows? No? Want a reminder? No? Well, too bad. Here you go.
I can smell it.
Like, literally smell it. Someone's burning something outside and I'm hoping it's that nice Fall kind of burning instead of something terrible. Because then I'd be a terrible person for enjoying the smell of someone else's horror.
But besides that, it's so beautiful outside that I'm considering heading outside and doing some yard work. And those of you who know me also know that I am not a gardener. Never have been, and probably never will be. Unless something drastic happens like I actually do fall off of my kitchen counter, get knocked into a coma, and then wake up with a green thumb.
Until that time I'll be a perpetual disappointment to womanhood because add to my dislike of gardening my inability to sew, my distaste for scrapbooking, my aversion to talking at length about feelings, and having as of yet never baked a cake from scratch.
Ah, well.
Either way, it's beautiful today. I'm also feeling a bit listless because I love going to our football games on Fridays, but the game today is over two hours away. It's a bit far to go on my own, and I didn't want to impose on anyone else, so I'm chilling at home tonight.
It's hard to believe that I'm headed to New York City in only one week! My first time going on my own. I cannot wait!
In other news, I'm finding a real family at my church here in Ashland. They've taken me in, and rather quickly I might add! It feels good to be part of something and part of a group of people again. I find myself wishing Sunday would come so that I can see everyone again. And it'll be here in less than two days! Can't wait.
Strange looking? I tell you that you are blind.
Perhaps you might not think I am so blind for this next one. Who knows. Based on what little looking into this I've done, more women seem to find this other man quite the looker.
But, of course, you know what has me hooked? The eyebrows.
Sigh.
Lovely.
Ladies and ladies, I give you Mr. Lee Pace's eyebrows.
And the man himself, naturally.
Will he ever replace Mr. Hader? Probably not.
But if you do not know who he is, I suggest you immediately remedy that fact and watch a TV show that was sadly cancelled two years ago, Pushing Daisies. Watch it instantly on Netflix.
And . . . you're welcome.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The older cousin, but not the friend.
Multiple thoughts are rushing around in my head tonight.
Usually my blog tends toward the lighter, more joke-centered side. I mean, I'm interested in writing funny things, so might as well practice here, right?
Sometimes it's hard to find things to joke about.
I've been thinking about teaching. And my students. And how much I really love both. And how the fact that I truly love all the kids at the high school can be difficult since 1) I'm not that much older than them, and 2) and perhaps most importantly, I don't feel that much older than them.
I'm only twelve years older than my youngest student, which means that the large majority of pop culture references they make go right into my head rather than over it. I definitely feel older than them, both in maturity and interests, but the lines start to blur with my older students, especially my oldest students.
I keep telling all my friends that God took the world's perfect student and cloned it 11 times and put them in one of my classes. And that's my class. Eleven of the most perfect students ever. Sure, sometimes they do dumb things (like nearly kill each other for a Nerf ball) or grumble through homework, but doesn't every student? Didn't I do that for a lot of my own English classes even though they were my favorite? Those things don't lessen my students. What makes them amazing is the fact that they care, they're grateful to be learning, and they aren't afraid to ask questions. Shoot, sometimes they stump me with their questions. I love that! What smart kids.
Here's the problem. I'm a teacher because I think teenagers are awesome. Somehow they move from little punks into being responsible and thoughtful individuals. And as a high school teacher I get to see that. I get to part of it.
But I also think my friends are awesome. But my students aren't (read: can't be) my friends. It breaks my heart to think about it, but I've witnessed one of my friends blur the line between student and friend and it cost him his job, his family's trust, his law record and his entire career.
I mean, look, I'm on my A-game, OK? And I'm not my friend. And his actions stemmed from a prolonged period of unchecked motivations. But it all began with a love for his students and a desire to be friends. And in some of my students I see friendship potential.
This is where I'm grateful for my father. A vet of teaching high school for over 30 years, he always kept his students at bay . . . until they graduated. The second they walked that stage then the relationship was different. They could call him by his first name and no longer had to worry about school rules. He was known for it. Students waited for four years until they could finally call him "Ben." Sure, they would giggle and feel weird at first, but they cherished that. And he's developed some real friendships with former students because of it.
So I've decided to adopt that for myself as a teacher. Once those students walk across that floor, no more Miss M. We can be friends.
I figure if I take my father's example then there will at least be a few students who will take me up on that. Until then, I'll be their wise, older cousin who can give them quite a few tips about literature.
Usually my blog tends toward the lighter, more joke-centered side. I mean, I'm interested in writing funny things, so might as well practice here, right?
Sometimes it's hard to find things to joke about.
I've been thinking about teaching. And my students. And how much I really love both. And how the fact that I truly love all the kids at the high school can be difficult since 1) I'm not that much older than them, and 2) and perhaps most importantly, I don't feel that much older than them.
I'm only twelve years older than my youngest student, which means that the large majority of pop culture references they make go right into my head rather than over it. I definitely feel older than them, both in maturity and interests, but the lines start to blur with my older students, especially my oldest students.
I keep telling all my friends that God took the world's perfect student and cloned it 11 times and put them in one of my classes. And that's my class. Eleven of the most perfect students ever. Sure, sometimes they do dumb things (like nearly kill each other for a Nerf ball) or grumble through homework, but doesn't every student? Didn't I do that for a lot of my own English classes even though they were my favorite? Those things don't lessen my students. What makes them amazing is the fact that they care, they're grateful to be learning, and they aren't afraid to ask questions. Shoot, sometimes they stump me with their questions. I love that! What smart kids.
Here's the problem. I'm a teacher because I think teenagers are awesome. Somehow they move from little punks into being responsible and thoughtful individuals. And as a high school teacher I get to see that. I get to part of it.
But I also think my friends are awesome. But my students aren't (read: can't be) my friends. It breaks my heart to think about it, but I've witnessed one of my friends blur the line between student and friend and it cost him his job, his family's trust, his law record and his entire career.
I mean, look, I'm on my A-game, OK? And I'm not my friend. And his actions stemmed from a prolonged period of unchecked motivations. But it all began with a love for his students and a desire to be friends. And in some of my students I see friendship potential.
This is where I'm grateful for my father. A vet of teaching high school for over 30 years, he always kept his students at bay . . . until they graduated. The second they walked that stage then the relationship was different. They could call him by his first name and no longer had to worry about school rules. He was known for it. Students waited for four years until they could finally call him "Ben." Sure, they would giggle and feel weird at first, but they cherished that. And he's developed some real friendships with former students because of it.
So I've decided to adopt that for myself as a teacher. Once those students walk across that floor, no more Miss M. We can be friends.
I figure if I take my father's example then there will at least be a few students who will take me up on that. Until then, I'll be their wise, older cousin who can give them quite a few tips about literature.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Closed Doors
God's been doing something in my heart over the last few weeks, and I suppose, looking back, it's been a year-long process.
My heart loved where I was a year ago. I was in a long-term relationship with an incredible man. I had the coolest group of friends that any girl could ever ask for. I lived with some amazing gracious and generous people. My family was supportive, on track with each other, and keeping in touch. My church family was amazing. And school made me happy. I had finally planted. I had real, deep roots taking hold.
Then God decided that He wanted me somewhere else.
He took my relationship and stretched it and pulled it. Things felt unsettled, difficult, strange. He banged on the door to my heart and said Hey, little girl. You better take a long hard look at what I really want for your life. And then I listened. Darn it when you finally listen, huh? And I saw what He wanted for my life. And it wasn't the man I was with.
God closed that door.
He showed me a job three hours away that got my heart racing, for some reason. It fell in line perfectly. And then I was terrified. I couldn't move away! I would miss my family, my friends, my church! This couldn't be what was in store for me! So I tried, desperately, to stay. I prepped for interviews like crazy. I rehearsed in the mirror. I dressed perfectly for each, individual location. I was charming, warm, intelligent, and relaxed. They liked me, and I liked them. And no one called me back. People were shocked. I was shocked. I had nailed those interviews, people. You know the Tiger Woods arm pump? Yeah, I was doing that in the car after the interviews. NAILED them. The explanation for no calls?
God closed that door.
I've been looking at the closed doors and wondering to myself just what He's closing off. Deep inside I've always felt a pull away from Wichita. I always chalked it up to restlessness, but the more I've looked at it, the more I'm realizing that God's closing very specific doors for very specific reasons.
He's breaking my ties to the specific city of Wichita.
The bonds of friendship and church family can transcend distance. I will always be friends with the people here in Wichita. A church family will always be there for me, and we will forever be part of the big "C" church together. That tie will never be broken.
But a relationship can tie you to a location. And he and I both felt strange pulls away from Wichita, but who could have known that those pulls were meant to pull us apart, rather than away from Wichita together. And a job, well of course that can tie you to a location. God has cut very specific things for me.
I don't know about Ashland. It's where He wants me right now. But I just feel like I've run a marathon to the edge of a cliff, and I'm camping for the night before diving off the edge. Ashland is my campground. I might be jumping into a life in Ashland, who knows? But I might also be jumping into a life in Denver, Kansas City, Portland, Scotland, Ethiopia, Russia, Japan, or anywhere else in the world. He hasn't said no to anything except Wichita.
And it pains me to write that. Because I love my Wichita family so much. And I know that they want me to come back. But God doesn't want that.
I will love Wichita and what it meant to me forever.
And I will try to move forward into the unknown with courage and trust in the Lord.
My heart loved where I was a year ago. I was in a long-term relationship with an incredible man. I had the coolest group of friends that any girl could ever ask for. I lived with some amazing gracious and generous people. My family was supportive, on track with each other, and keeping in touch. My church family was amazing. And school made me happy. I had finally planted. I had real, deep roots taking hold.
Then God decided that He wanted me somewhere else.
He took my relationship and stretched it and pulled it. Things felt unsettled, difficult, strange. He banged on the door to my heart and said Hey, little girl. You better take a long hard look at what I really want for your life. And then I listened. Darn it when you finally listen, huh? And I saw what He wanted for my life. And it wasn't the man I was with.
God closed that door.
He showed me a job three hours away that got my heart racing, for some reason. It fell in line perfectly. And then I was terrified. I couldn't move away! I would miss my family, my friends, my church! This couldn't be what was in store for me! So I tried, desperately, to stay. I prepped for interviews like crazy. I rehearsed in the mirror. I dressed perfectly for each, individual location. I was charming, warm, intelligent, and relaxed. They liked me, and I liked them. And no one called me back. People were shocked. I was shocked. I had nailed those interviews, people. You know the Tiger Woods arm pump? Yeah, I was doing that in the car after the interviews. NAILED them. The explanation for no calls?
God closed that door.
I've been looking at the closed doors and wondering to myself just what He's closing off. Deep inside I've always felt a pull away from Wichita. I always chalked it up to restlessness, but the more I've looked at it, the more I'm realizing that God's closing very specific doors for very specific reasons.
He's breaking my ties to the specific city of Wichita.
The bonds of friendship and church family can transcend distance. I will always be friends with the people here in Wichita. A church family will always be there for me, and we will forever be part of the big "C" church together. That tie will never be broken.
But a relationship can tie you to a location. And he and I both felt strange pulls away from Wichita, but who could have known that those pulls were meant to pull us apart, rather than away from Wichita together. And a job, well of course that can tie you to a location. God has cut very specific things for me.
I don't know about Ashland. It's where He wants me right now. But I just feel like I've run a marathon to the edge of a cliff, and I'm camping for the night before diving off the edge. Ashland is my campground. I might be jumping into a life in Ashland, who knows? But I might also be jumping into a life in Denver, Kansas City, Portland, Scotland, Ethiopia, Russia, Japan, or anywhere else in the world. He hasn't said no to anything except Wichita.
And it pains me to write that. Because I love my Wichita family so much. And I know that they want me to come back. But God doesn't want that.
I will love Wichita and what it meant to me forever.
And I will try to move forward into the unknown with courage and trust in the Lord.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Encouragement, Excitement, and Er . . . Freedom?
Today was a good day. Ups and downs and side to sides. Okay, I don't even know what that means, but it seemed strange to leave "ups and downs" all by itself.
My mom went home just this morning. You know how sometimes your day is so full that what happened first in the day seems a week away by the end of the day? Like I've just lived today more than normal.
Which, frankly, is a nice feeling. The days have seemed to crawl by this last week.
This morning I had two great conversations from two wonderful ladies. My best friend from elementary school, S, and my best friend from high school, L. So, some people believe in coincidences. That's great for them, and I'm sure that they enjoy their lives that seem to fall into place willy nilly, but I don't. I mean, how have I been feeling lately? Pretty alone, huh?
And, duh, I'm not stupid. I know I'm not alone. I have lots of friends who would love to hang out with me. But sometimes in a state like this, it takes a friend or two to plunge a hand through the fog that perpetually hangs around you and wake you up. Sometimes that hand smacks you in the face, sometimes it just waves hello, and sometimes it just cups the side of your face and reassures you that everything will be OK.
And two friends with whom I do not speak regularly plunged a hand into my fog today. And they sort of woke me up. Not that they healed my heart. Far from it. But they helped me realize that I need to get out there. I am so grateful for both of them, especially L. It's a long story, but our friendship has only really revived in the last two years, and I used to beat myself up for driving away a dear friend because I "did something wrong." Turns out, the things I beat myself up over created a longer last, deeper friendship with L. It just took awhile to see it. I was so encouraged.
That motivated me to do something with my day. I talked to a lady in Ashland about her house, since I'll be buying a home instead of renting (at least, I'm about 80% sure that's what will happen).
Oh man, people. Can we all just hold our collective breath, cross our fingers and toes, and pray fervently that this house is as good as it sounds? Even when I imagine the house with all the reality I can shove into my ever-optimistic brain I keep coming up with the cutest place to live, ever. If it weren't for the fact that all this is, you know, OPEN on the internet, I'd post the address for you so you could look at it on Google maps and see the street view of this place.
The outside of the house is entirely built out of this reddish stone with cream stripes. Not a strip of siding, wood, or brick in sight. Two stories. Separate garage with a carport. Cute landscaping on the sides. A porch with a porch swing. Now, as some of you may know, houses these days are not built with adequate porches at all. Not this house. Oh no. This house has that full, cover-the-entire-front-of-the-house kind of porch. The one with the large posts on either side of the house, the ledges of stone, and the stairs leading up to the house.
I think my heart just skipped a beat. Didn't yours?
Hello? Are you tracking with me?
Anyway, inside the house are two bedrooms, one-and-a-half baths, a large living room, a great kitchen, a sort-of finished basement, and all the appliances I could want.
That's right. If you're still reading this then you've just realized the best part: I won't have to buy a single thing for the house. Washer. Dryer. Refrigerator. Stove. Microwave. Lawnmower. 100-year-old dining room table. Oh yeah, did you catch that? I could get furniture with it too!
Ok. I need to take a second to breathe. Pause. Calm down.
Maybe I'll visit this subject later. My head is on a one-way track to the clouds and if I don't stop it I won't be able to get it out for the rest of this post.
That's right. REST of this post. Maybe you should get a snack. Take a bathroom break.
Tonight I changed my mind about hanging out with some friends. I had originally said no. Mostly because I was not interested in the movie we were seeing, Prince of Persia. Then again, I saw it with my mother last night and it was fun. Cheesy. Not fantastic. But fun.
So, even though I saw it last night, I decided to head over to my friend MW's. It was so good to hang out with her and a few other friends. We enjoyed some tasty salad, burgers, Kool-Aid, brownies and ice cream, then headed over to the Warren Theatre for some movie action. We were joined by four other people and soon we had an entire cadre of people.
Can I admit something to you all? And it's even hard for me to say it, but I've resolved to be honest here, no matter what.
I was glad to be single this evening.
No worrying about sitting next to a guy. No wondering if I'm talking too much to any one person in particular and whether I should spread it out. The chance to chat with my single lady friends about this guy and that guy (and I promise it was not gossip). The freedom to hand out a smile here and there without worrying whether or not it would be taken as flirting.
And no. No fireworks. It's not like I met someone tonight and fell hard for him. But I had fun. I've had lots of fun. But it's been six-and-a-half years since I've had fun like that.
And yes. Driving home, alone, I still got a pang in my stomach. Not from guilt. Not from fear. Just from loneliness. From a habit built of years of grabbing my cell phone first thing when I'm on the car ride home. My immediate debrief at the end of the day with the man I'm sharing my life with.
But for an unknown stretch of time there will be no debriefs. No sharing. Just me, riding in the car, alone. Hopefully someday soon I will relish that time, but for now, I wish I could just go straight from fun and people to asleep in my bed.
And speaking of that (and if you're still reading you deserve a prize), I better head that way. Tomorrow is another busy day.
My mom went home just this morning. You know how sometimes your day is so full that what happened first in the day seems a week away by the end of the day? Like I've just lived today more than normal.
Which, frankly, is a nice feeling. The days have seemed to crawl by this last week.
This morning I had two great conversations from two wonderful ladies. My best friend from elementary school, S, and my best friend from high school, L. So, some people believe in coincidences. That's great for them, and I'm sure that they enjoy their lives that seem to fall into place willy nilly, but I don't. I mean, how have I been feeling lately? Pretty alone, huh?
And, duh, I'm not stupid. I know I'm not alone. I have lots of friends who would love to hang out with me. But sometimes in a state like this, it takes a friend or two to plunge a hand through the fog that perpetually hangs around you and wake you up. Sometimes that hand smacks you in the face, sometimes it just waves hello, and sometimes it just cups the side of your face and reassures you that everything will be OK.
And two friends with whom I do not speak regularly plunged a hand into my fog today. And they sort of woke me up. Not that they healed my heart. Far from it. But they helped me realize that I need to get out there. I am so grateful for both of them, especially L. It's a long story, but our friendship has only really revived in the last two years, and I used to beat myself up for driving away a dear friend because I "did something wrong." Turns out, the things I beat myself up over created a longer last, deeper friendship with L. It just took awhile to see it. I was so encouraged.
That motivated me to do something with my day. I talked to a lady in Ashland about her house, since I'll be buying a home instead of renting (at least, I'm about 80% sure that's what will happen).
Oh man, people. Can we all just hold our collective breath, cross our fingers and toes, and pray fervently that this house is as good as it sounds? Even when I imagine the house with all the reality I can shove into my ever-optimistic brain I keep coming up with the cutest place to live, ever. If it weren't for the fact that all this is, you know, OPEN on the internet, I'd post the address for you so you could look at it on Google maps and see the street view of this place.
The outside of the house is entirely built out of this reddish stone with cream stripes. Not a strip of siding, wood, or brick in sight. Two stories. Separate garage with a carport. Cute landscaping on the sides. A porch with a porch swing. Now, as some of you may know, houses these days are not built with adequate porches at all. Not this house. Oh no. This house has that full, cover-the-entire-front-of-the-house kind of porch. The one with the large posts on either side of the house, the ledges of stone, and the stairs leading up to the house.
I think my heart just skipped a beat. Didn't yours?
Hello? Are you tracking with me?
Anyway, inside the house are two bedrooms, one-and-a-half baths, a large living room, a great kitchen, a sort-of finished basement, and all the appliances I could want.
That's right. If you're still reading this then you've just realized the best part: I won't have to buy a single thing for the house. Washer. Dryer. Refrigerator. Stove. Microwave. Lawnmower. 100-year-old dining room table. Oh yeah, did you catch that? I could get furniture with it too!
Ok. I need to take a second to breathe. Pause. Calm down.
Maybe I'll visit this subject later. My head is on a one-way track to the clouds and if I don't stop it I won't be able to get it out for the rest of this post.
That's right. REST of this post. Maybe you should get a snack. Take a bathroom break.
Tonight I changed my mind about hanging out with some friends. I had originally said no. Mostly because I was not interested in the movie we were seeing, Prince of Persia. Then again, I saw it with my mother last night and it was fun. Cheesy. Not fantastic. But fun.
So, even though I saw it last night, I decided to head over to my friend MW's. It was so good to hang out with her and a few other friends. We enjoyed some tasty salad, burgers, Kool-Aid, brownies and ice cream, then headed over to the Warren Theatre for some movie action. We were joined by four other people and soon we had an entire cadre of people.
Can I admit something to you all? And it's even hard for me to say it, but I've resolved to be honest here, no matter what.
I was glad to be single this evening.
No worrying about sitting next to a guy. No wondering if I'm talking too much to any one person in particular and whether I should spread it out. The chance to chat with my single lady friends about this guy and that guy (and I promise it was not gossip). The freedom to hand out a smile here and there without worrying whether or not it would be taken as flirting.
And no. No fireworks. It's not like I met someone tonight and fell hard for him. But I had fun. I've had lots of fun. But it's been six-and-a-half years since I've had fun like that.
And yes. Driving home, alone, I still got a pang in my stomach. Not from guilt. Not from fear. Just from loneliness. From a habit built of years of grabbing my cell phone first thing when I'm on the car ride home. My immediate debrief at the end of the day with the man I'm sharing my life with.
But for an unknown stretch of time there will be no debriefs. No sharing. Just me, riding in the car, alone. Hopefully someday soon I will relish that time, but for now, I wish I could just go straight from fun and people to asleep in my bed.
And speaking of that (and if you're still reading you deserve a prize), I better head that way. Tomorrow is another busy day.
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