It's hard to come back to blogging when it's been such a long time since my last post.
I should really do better with all of that.
I think it's so hard because I have a lot of things that I could catch all of you up on.
But perhaps I should just regulate this particular post to the things currently going on.
How about I tell you what is around me?
1. My phone, dark and silent. Kind of lonely.
2. My new school laptop, playing Band of Horses....lovely.
3. My English 10 textbook, open to Julius Caesar, untouched and being avoided.
4. A pile of grading, including tests and papers. Also being avoided.
5. My "To Do" list. It currently has two of ten things crossed off.
6. An empty graham cracker package....my current fixation.
7. My nail box. I am typing this with newly brilliant red nails.
8. My Scrubs season 5 DVDs. Currently on pause while I listen to some good music.
How about I continue with listing things and I'll give you a list of the last few days?
1. I enjoyed my drive back to Ashland immensely. I left with lots of time to spare and just sort of meandered. I haven't had too many opportunities to do that. It was good thinking time.
2. I've been in the mood to buy new clothes lately. So I did. My spring and summer wardrobes are filling themselves out nicely. And my wallet is considerably slimmer. And for awhile I kept wondering why every girl I ever see in athletic shorts wears those Nike shorts. Now I know. And own two pairs.
3. One of my dear friends cut my hair, and it was lovely to catch up with her. She cuts a fine head of hair. And I'll be back as soon as school is out for something a little less tame. I almost put feathers in my hair, but I figured that was just a tad too trendy and unprofessional. Darn having to be professional. When summer is here look out, dangit!
Oh, and do you know about this feather trend? No? This is what I'm talking about, in case you missed it:
4. I saw four baseball games four days in a row. It was a good time. Even though I had to watch my Shockers lose the last one. Although I am slightly disheartened that the dancing and nicknames have lagged since I left for Ashland it is somewhat gratifying to know that it was my enthusiasm that spurred those things on. In my short time back I nicknamed/renamed four players, created a new dance, and resurrected a few old ones.
5. I've been looking at my standards and the things I desire lately. I've got a lot of conflicts going on in my heart. Questions I've been asking myself: Do I desire temporary happiness or fuller, yet harder, happiness? Are my expectations too high? Am I truly looking at the things in my life through the lens of reality? Would I truly be willing to drag my heart through the dirt for little or no gain? And do these questions even apply to my life right now?
6. I usually wear jeans in the summer. I create shorts by cutting up pants. I bought my first pair of real shorts this weekend. This is a large step forward. I am determined to put my legs out there. Not like a hussy, mind you, but like a normal person. They're not bad legs. They're pretty average. Ok, they're a little short, but I'm a little short, so I think it evens out to normal-looking legs if you don't compare them to anyone else's.
7. My relationship with Jesus has stagnated. Which sucks. Cause He's sort of amazing. And he died for me. And then totally conquered death and rose again. Dang. But if you're wondering why it might have stagnated, check out list item number 5. It all ties together.
8. Sometimes I tell people things that they don't need to know. Sometimes I tell them in places where these things don't need to be talked about. Sometimes I tell too many people too many things. If I told everyone that I owned a white car, well, that's a silly thing to tell them, but at least my car actually is white. If I instead told everyone that I was thinking about taking a trip to Europe over the summer (which I'm not), well, then by the time summer rolled around everyone would be waiting for a postcard from Prague. The point is, I tell too many people about too many up-in-the-air things which then makes me look foolish if they don't pan out.
9. Some things on my mind can't be talked about in a public forum. And I'm sorry, but they also can't be talked about with the large majority of people in my life. But I am so incredibly thankful for a few close friends who do not judge, who support me, who push me toward truth and good choices, and who are trying to understand what's going on in my head. And without them I'd be in a bad place.
10. It rained today. It made me happy.
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