oh man. it's been a busy few days and i've been loving every second of it.
you know that feeling when you work out really hard after a long hiatus? and by long we're talking MONTHS? well, i felt that last night and it was amazing. ultimate frisbee is one of my favorite workouts and i got to play for about two hours last night. my lungs had that amazing cold temperature feeling after you've been running for awhile. so great. but i'm ridiculously sore today. training at the Restaurant is a lot of sitting down, and when i would get up for something--MAN. pain.
but today at The Restaurant i got to do some following, and i followed my good friend D. it was great to finally see how everything works together in concert, but man D walks fast. i had trouble keeping up with that man. i really think i'm going to enjoy The Restaurant. the management seems cool, the servers have been fun and i'm actually developing a rapport with my fellow trainees.
other than that, i'm off to move things around in the house i'll be living in. wish me luck!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Napping
Things with SW have taken a strange turn lately. I don't know what it is, but my emotions are just all over the place lately. I think it has to do with insecurities, anxiety about the future paired with the intense desire to marry him paired with the uncertainty about whether or not he'll choose me. Talk about an emotional grab bag. No wonder I'm all over the place.
Last night was terrible. I spent about two hours trying to sort through the much in my head--some of it on the phone with SW. And, note to self, do NOT under any circumstances give in to the temptation to call him super late at night with confusing and frustrating relationship troubles. Ugh. Needless to say, that only made me feel worse and succeeded in aggravating him. So we made plans to hang out this afternoon after work and talk. Yet, I just didn't feel like talking about it and instead, we took a nap, which was nice.
It's hard to swallow the fact that I feel like I relate to my boyfriend best when we're sleeping. It's not that we can't relate to each other verbally. We CAN, and I think that's what makes this more frustrating. Something is keeping our communication apart right now and I just can't find out what it is. I just really need to trust that we will move past this.
Last night was terrible. I spent about two hours trying to sort through the much in my head--some of it on the phone with SW. And, note to self, do NOT under any circumstances give in to the temptation to call him super late at night with confusing and frustrating relationship troubles. Ugh. Needless to say, that only made me feel worse and succeeded in aggravating him. So we made plans to hang out this afternoon after work and talk. Yet, I just didn't feel like talking about it and instead, we took a nap, which was nice.
It's hard to swallow the fact that I feel like I relate to my boyfriend best when we're sleeping. It's not that we can't relate to each other verbally. We CAN, and I think that's what makes this more frustrating. Something is keeping our communication apart right now and I just can't find out what it is. I just really need to trust that we will move past this.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Summer
Today is like the first real day of summer. It's gorgeous, yet not too hot outside, the breeze feels amazing blowing through my windows, I can lounge around in a tank top on my bed and listen to some guilty pleasure music while writing this, and work was only 3 hours long this morning.
As for work, I recently started working at a well-known restaurant chain and apparently if I write the name or the names of any of my coworkers or managers I could get disciplined for it. And I would think this was stupid if it weren't for the fact that one of my favorite bloggers, Dooce, really did lose her job because she was not careful with information. SO. This restaurant will always be The Restaurant and, as usual, any names will remain initials only.
So then, orientation at The Restaurant was pretty fun today, but, then again, I always love orientations. It's super easy--how hard can it be to fill out forms and watch videos?--and you get lots of free food. And this was good food that I would choose to eat whether I worked there or not. Totally sweet deal. My friend D got me the job and another friend of mine, Tall B, works there as well. Tall B and I actually went through orientation together this morning, both as servers. I'm hoping that I can actually get to know him without feeling weird, because he reminds me very strongly of an old boyfriend whom I no longer like or respect. But I know Tall B is not that person. So we'll hope that I can work with Tall B without the urge to make disparaging remarks every time I see him.
SW and I haven't been on the greatest terms lately. And I don't know why. It's eating at my heart and I feel really helpless in it. And, in a way, I really am, for many of the barriers between us have nothing to do with me. He's struggling with a LOT right now and he needs to overcome these struggles in his own way. I can't tangibly help--I can only be there for him. I just wish I know how he wanted me to be there.
I called my parents this afternoon as well and they only talked to me for 13 minutes--5 minutes for my dad and 8 for my mom. Usually I forget to even call my parents, but I really wanted to talk to them today. I was actually really sad that they didn't stay on the phone longer. I do think I'll get to talk to my sister tomorrow, though, and hopefully me being a server now will provide even more connection between the two of us.
Anyway, my music makes me happy. I'm listening to--don't laugh--the soundtrack for Series 3 of Doctor Who. If you know what's good for you, you'll start watching the BBC's new Doctor Who, because it just might be talked about a lot by me. I've got my roommates hooked now and I'm moving out slowly to new people . . .
As for work, I recently started working at a well-known restaurant chain and apparently if I write the name or the names of any of my coworkers or managers I could get disciplined for it. And I would think this was stupid if it weren't for the fact that one of my favorite bloggers, Dooce, really did lose her job because she was not careful with information. SO. This restaurant will always be The Restaurant and, as usual, any names will remain initials only.
So then, orientation at The Restaurant was pretty fun today, but, then again, I always love orientations. It's super easy--how hard can it be to fill out forms and watch videos?--and you get lots of free food. And this was good food that I would choose to eat whether I worked there or not. Totally sweet deal. My friend D got me the job and another friend of mine, Tall B, works there as well. Tall B and I actually went through orientation together this morning, both as servers. I'm hoping that I can actually get to know him without feeling weird, because he reminds me very strongly of an old boyfriend whom I no longer like or respect. But I know Tall B is not that person. So we'll hope that I can work with Tall B without the urge to make disparaging remarks every time I see him.
SW and I haven't been on the greatest terms lately. And I don't know why. It's eating at my heart and I feel really helpless in it. And, in a way, I really am, for many of the barriers between us have nothing to do with me. He's struggling with a LOT right now and he needs to overcome these struggles in his own way. I can't tangibly help--I can only be there for him. I just wish I know how he wanted me to be there.
I called my parents this afternoon as well and they only talked to me for 13 minutes--5 minutes for my dad and 8 for my mom. Usually I forget to even call my parents, but I really wanted to talk to them today. I was actually really sad that they didn't stay on the phone longer. I do think I'll get to talk to my sister tomorrow, though, and hopefully me being a server now will provide even more connection between the two of us.
Anyway, my music makes me happy. I'm listening to--don't laugh--the soundtrack for Series 3 of Doctor Who. If you know what's good for you, you'll start watching the BBC's new Doctor Who, because it just might be talked about a lot by me. I've got my roommates hooked now and I'm moving out slowly to new people . . .
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
My face is melting
A root canal. I have to get a root canal. Besides the absolute terror I normally feel when anything comes near my teeth, this is probably the scariest thing I've had to do lately.
I was sitting in the dentist's office--which I chose randomly from the telephone book based on its full-page ad and the nice graphics--and I felt like one of those people in a Sci-Fi movie where I'm sitting still and moving in normal time while everyone else around me is zipping past in super-turbo-time saying things I don't understand and not taking the time to explain them to me.
This does not help my fear.
It's weird how this fear just overwhelms me when I get there. To be honest, there is absolutely no reason for this fear. I've never had a bad experience with the dentist's office before. This makes complete rational sense to me. My brain is able to wrap itself around this idea and accept it. But my body still somehow responds with the overwhelming rush of adrenaline--sweaty palms, racing heart, shaking hands and leaky eyes. Oh those darn leaking eyes. Otherwise known as the overwhelming urge to bawl like a baby.
But in other news, I'm glad that it's finally being taken care of. No more sleepless nights, no more ibuprofen overdoses and no more affecting my life.
As for affecting my life, I feel like I've been incredibly out of it lately. Small group last night was difficult. Getting things ready late, not feeling like I have any knowledge on the subject I'm teaching because I'm struggling with it as well, having my head splitting apart because of a renegade tooth, all these things conspired against me to hurt me during small group last night. I prayed and prayed as group was going on for more focus, for the questions to ask the girls and for them to get something out of it. And you know what, I think they did get something out of it. And that my friends, is totally of God. There is no way I was capable of giving those girls what they needed last night and because God is amazing and faithful He gave them something. And I think He gave me something too.
In other news, my obsession with science fiction has now taken a drastic turn. Oh Dr. Who, I love you.
I was sitting in the dentist's office--which I chose randomly from the telephone book based on its full-page ad and the nice graphics--and I felt like one of those people in a Sci-Fi movie where I'm sitting still and moving in normal time while everyone else around me is zipping past in super-turbo-time saying things I don't understand and not taking the time to explain them to me.
This does not help my fear.
It's weird how this fear just overwhelms me when I get there. To be honest, there is absolutely no reason for this fear. I've never had a bad experience with the dentist's office before. This makes complete rational sense to me. My brain is able to wrap itself around this idea and accept it. But my body still somehow responds with the overwhelming rush of adrenaline--sweaty palms, racing heart, shaking hands and leaky eyes. Oh those darn leaking eyes. Otherwise known as the overwhelming urge to bawl like a baby.
But in other news, I'm glad that it's finally being taken care of. No more sleepless nights, no more ibuprofen overdoses and no more affecting my life.
As for affecting my life, I feel like I've been incredibly out of it lately. Small group last night was difficult. Getting things ready late, not feeling like I have any knowledge on the subject I'm teaching because I'm struggling with it as well, having my head splitting apart because of a renegade tooth, all these things conspired against me to hurt me during small group last night. I prayed and prayed as group was going on for more focus, for the questions to ask the girls and for them to get something out of it. And you know what, I think they did get something out of it. And that my friends, is totally of God. There is no way I was capable of giving those girls what they needed last night and because God is amazing and faithful He gave them something. And I think He gave me something too.
In other news, my obsession with science fiction has now taken a drastic turn. Oh Dr. Who, I love you.
Monday, March 23, 2009
I want to sleep!
You know, they say that if you can't go to sleep you should get up and do something until you CAN go to sleep.
But what are you supposed to do if you are DESPERATELY tired and really WANT to go to sleep but are unable to because of the splitting PAIN on the entire right side of your head?
My visit to the dentist can't come fast enough. I'm willing to pay almost any sum of money imaginable to make this pain go away.
But what are you supposed to do if you are DESPERATELY tired and really WANT to go to sleep but are unable to because of the splitting PAIN on the entire right side of your head?
My visit to the dentist can't come fast enough. I'm willing to pay almost any sum of money imaginable to make this pain go away.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Shrimpy Wooden Taste
So, I decided to switch to shrimp ramen on a whim one day while shopping at the local grocery store. SW was all, "Gross, SHRIMP ramen has no taste anyway. You're going to hate it." And I told him to shut up and let me choose my OWN food dangit.
Poop. He was right.
AND I ate it this afternoon with my wooden chopsticks which, it turns out, happen to make all of my food taste like slightly soggy bamboo.
Also, I'm listening to this right now. I am positive this has been played at the spa I used to work at. I just KNOW I endured my esthetician squeezing all the nasty blackheads out of my nose like she's using a blowtorch on my skin to the lovely, relaxing stylings of this group.
Painful memories.
Poop. He was right.
AND I ate it this afternoon with my wooden chopsticks which, it turns out, happen to make all of my food taste like slightly soggy bamboo.
Also, I'm listening to this right now. I am positive this has been played at the spa I used to work at. I just KNOW I endured my esthetician squeezing all the nasty blackheads out of my nose like she's using a blowtorch on my skin to the lovely, relaxing stylings of this group.
Painful memories.
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