Things with SW have taken a strange turn lately. I don't know what it is, but my emotions are just all over the place lately. I think it has to do with insecurities, anxiety about the future paired with the intense desire to marry him paired with the uncertainty about whether or not he'll choose me. Talk about an emotional grab bag. No wonder I'm all over the place.
Last night was terrible. I spent about two hours trying to sort through the much in my head--some of it on the phone with SW. And, note to self, do NOT under any circumstances give in to the temptation to call him super late at night with confusing and frustrating relationship troubles. Ugh. Needless to say, that only made me feel worse and succeeded in aggravating him. So we made plans to hang out this afternoon after work and talk. Yet, I just didn't feel like talking about it and instead, we took a nap, which was nice.
It's hard to swallow the fact that I feel like I relate to my boyfriend best when we're sleeping. It's not that we can't relate to each other verbally. We CAN, and I think that's what makes this more frustrating. Something is keeping our communication apart right now and I just can't find out what it is. I just really need to trust that we will move past this.
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