I said I was going to post this weekend. I promised. And the weekend is rapidly coming to a close. So it's post or consider myself a liar.
I'm not a liar.
Mostly because it's wrong but also because I'm bad at it. Ok, mostly because I'm bad at it. Thanks, God, for making me bad at it because I clearly lack the moral standards to do right for the sake of doing right.
The thing about saying I was going to post, however, is this:
I have no idea what to write.
My emotions have been all over the place this week.
I have gone from thinking the world of the young men and women about to enter real life to despair at the fact that they ALL have so much more growing up to do. Seriously. I was really spiraling on Thursday night, and that's rare for me. I actually had to go out and distract myself from the increasingly depressing thoughts swimming in my head.
I've giggled like an eight year old talking about her first crush with a girlfriend. The struggles of my heart lifted for a bit, and I had a chance to just enjoy chatting about boys with my friend. To have fun with the fact that I actually have crushes for the first time in a LONG time.
I have tried to help a friend going through a rough time, and run the gamut of emotions with that situation. Sympathy, pity, sorrow, frustration, exasperation, annoyance, concern. I want to help him, and I want to be there for him, but it's situations like this that show me how mean and cynical I can be sometimes. Seriously, without Jesus I would be quite mean to others.
My head and heart have been busy this week.
I've realized something.
Ok, one of my Spiritual gifts is discernment. I can see who people are at their core, what they need to grow in, and who they could potentially be.
This should be helpful in teaching because I can pinpoint things in students, help them grow, and know how to encourage them. However, sometimes my nature prompts me to overlook their faults. I just skip straight to the potential I see in them.
Naturally, they respond well to that, wouldn't you? If you were an 18 year old who's made his share of mistakes in life and no one ever lets you forget them, wouldn't you be grateful for someone new who doesn't know those things or judge you by them and sees only potential for greatness in you? Of course you would!
And, seriously, my students could be such incredible men and women.
But then a failing or a fault or a past mistake I never knew about becomes clear to me. I find myself saddened or disappointed (which is what was going on this Thursday), and I begin to lose faith in that student.
And that's awful, frankly. That mistake has always been there, but I just didn't know about it. That student is the same student she was five minutes ago BEFORE I knew about this stumbling point in her life. Why should I suddenly doubt her potential or ability?
I shouldn't, duh.
I should instead admire the changes she HAS made. I should push him to make more. I should challenge him to ask himself what he really wants to be in life. I should always expect the absolute best out of her.
...
In other news, it felt so, so, so good to just run around and chill with a friend last night. Someone in my age range. Someone I can relate to and want to talk to. I really needed that.
And I gave a lot of hugs this weekend. It felt good, honestly.
And I really like backs. Big, strong backs.
Oh, and apple butter on toast is divine.
Oh, and I used to only be attracted to brown eyes. I am now attracted to blue eyes as well.
Oh, and an extremely funny and cute movie is one called Barry Munday. It's about a man who loses his balls in an accident and then discovers he's going to have a child. So great.
...
All right, I think that covers everything I promised.
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