Hearts are not Hot Wheels

My friend led me to this song, and I am so grateful to her for it.

One, it's beautiful.

Two, it's a reminder that I have to be careful with my heart. She really wants to be captured, but sometimes she wants it so badly that she could let a man capture it who would use it up and then release it.

You know (and ladies, please feel free to chime in with an amen), I don't put my heart out to be caught and released. My heart is not part of the wildlife tagging program. I don't want a man to tag me, put me back out there, keep me on his radar, and pick me back up every three months for a check-up.

No girl does.

Pardon my phrasing, but if a lady is out there to hit it and quit it, ain't no way a man is seeing even a sliver of her heart. Hell no.

Right girls?

If my heart is out there to be caught, it better be for keeps. I'm not saying marriage. That's a lot. But she wants to be caught, kept, and learned until she's been tamed (and bravo to the man who does that-it'll take someone strong). Or until it's clear that's not who's meant to keep her.

Pardon me while I continue for a bit longer--we had an early release day, so I have extra time on my hands.

I know how good it feels to win someone's heart for the sake of winning it and NOT for the sake of keeping it. I felt wanted. I felt desired. I felt strong and powerful. And I'm not proud to admit it, but I used him.

It wasn't until years later that I realized just how wrong of me that was. That it's one thing to test the waters to see if he's a good fit. But it's another thing to know he's not one I truly want yet still flirt, cajole, whisper, and kiss (yes kiss).

I used him to pass my time.

He got hurt. Really hurt.

I'd like to say that I was able to apologize to him when I realized how badly I'd treated his heart. But, you see, I couldn't because we weren't friends anymore. He intentionally disappeared from me so I wouldn't hurt him anymore.

I still can't find him.

Why do I tell you all this, gentle readers? Well, boys and girls, it's partly because that's what I do here and partly because I hope this resonates with you in some way. We've all had our hearts touched by others and touched hearts ourselves. Some of our hearts have been mishandled. And some of us have handled the hearts of others poorly. Maybe, like me, you didn't know. I didn't think I was hurting his heart. We were having fun! He was smiling, happy, enjoying it!

I should have seen it. I wish I had.

He was too open with me. Too honest with me. Too available at all hours, too willing to drop his plans for mine, and too willing to share the deepest thoughts in his head. That wasn't just "for fun" folks. That's a boy who wanted me to keep his heart safe.

And I didn't.

He wanted me to treat it like a brand new dream car: maintained, polished, understood, and driven at maximum speed.

Instead I treated it like a Hot Wheel: fun, cute, and easy to toss aside while I played with my others.

My heart is not a Hot Wheel to be played with. Sure, she's fun, but she's fun because she's a sweet ride with all the bells and whistles. She's got some miles on her, but she's got a lot more to go.

--

In honor of that, this song (remember me mentioning a song at the beginning of the post? No? Well, it was a long time ago) perfectly illustrates what I'm talking about.

For those of you who like to play with Hot Wheels, please, please, please think about what you're doing. And for those of you who have been used, please, please, please know that your heart is precious and lovely and deserves to be loved. You're not disposable. You're lovely.