Lists of things

I'm trying to think of what to write. 

It's hard to come back to blogging when it's been such a long time since my last post. 

I should really do better with all of that. 

I think it's so hard because I have a lot of things that I could catch all of you up on.

But perhaps I should just regulate this particular post to the things currently going on. 

How about I tell you what is around me?

1. My phone, dark and silent. Kind of lonely.

2. My new school laptop, playing Band of Horses....lovely.

3. My English 10 textbook, open to Julius Caesar, untouched and being avoided. 

4. A pile of grading, including tests and papers. Also being avoided.

5. My "To Do" list. It currently has two of ten things crossed off.

6. An empty graham cracker package....my current fixation.

7. My nail box. I am typing this with newly brilliant red nails.

8. My Scrubs season 5 DVDs. Currently on pause while I listen to some good music. 

How about I continue with listing things and I'll give you a list of the last few days?

1. I enjoyed my drive back to Ashland immensely. I left with lots of time to spare and just sort of meandered. I haven't had too many opportunities to do that. It was good thinking time.

2. I've been in the mood to buy new clothes lately. So I did. My spring and summer wardrobes are filling themselves out nicely. And my wallet is considerably slimmer. And for awhile I kept wondering why every girl I ever see in athletic shorts wears those Nike shorts. Now I know. And own two pairs. 

3. One of my dear friends cut my hair, and it was lovely to catch up with her. She cuts a fine head of hair. And I'll be back as soon as school is out for something a little less tame. I almost put feathers in my hair, but I figured that was just a tad too trendy and unprofessional. Darn having to be professional. When summer is here look out, dangit! 

Oh, and do you know about this feather trend? No? This is what I'm talking about, in case you missed it:

4. I saw four baseball games four days in a row. It was a good time. Even though I had to watch my Shockers lose the last one. Although I am slightly disheartened that the dancing and nicknames have lagged since I left for Ashland it is somewhat gratifying to know that it was my enthusiasm that spurred those things on. In my short time back I nicknamed/renamed four players, created a new dance, and resurrected a few old ones. 

5. I've been looking at my standards and the things I desire lately. I've got a lot of conflicts going on in my heart. Questions I've been asking myself: Do I desire temporary happiness or fuller, yet harder, happiness? Are my expectations too high? Am I truly looking at the things in my life through the lens of reality? Would I truly be willing to drag my heart through the dirt for little or no gain? And do these questions even apply to my life right now? 

6. I usually wear jeans in the summer. I create shorts by cutting up pants. I bought my first pair of real shorts this weekend. This is a large step forward. I am determined to put my legs out there. Not like a hussy, mind you, but like a normal person. They're not bad legs. They're pretty average. Ok, they're a little short, but I'm a little short, so I think it evens out to normal-looking legs if you don't compare them to anyone else's.

7. My relationship with Jesus has stagnated. Which sucks. Cause He's sort of amazing. And he died for me. And then totally conquered death and rose again. Dang. But if you're wondering why it might have stagnated, check out list item number 5. It all ties together. 

8. Sometimes I tell people things that they don't need to know. Sometimes I tell them in places where these things don't need to be talked about. Sometimes I tell too many people too many things. If I told everyone that I owned a white car, well, that's a silly thing to tell them, but at least my car actually is white. If I instead told everyone that I was thinking about taking a trip to Europe over the summer (which I'm not), well, then by the time summer rolled around everyone would be waiting for a postcard from Prague. The point is, I tell too many people about too many up-in-the-air things which then makes me look foolish if they don't pan out. 

9. Some things on my mind can't be talked about in a public forum. And I'm sorry, but they also can't be talked about with the large majority of people in my life. But I am so incredibly thankful for a few close friends who do not judge, who support me, who push me toward truth and good choices, and who are trying to understand what's going on in my head. And without them I'd be in a bad place. 

10. It rained today. It made me happy. 

Dresses and techno

It's been awhile, I know.

Things were tough that week. Not just that day. That week.

I cried. A lot. I haven't cried much since coming to Ashland. And that week the floodgates opened up. And it was legitimate, sure. No one likes being told they are hated. And me? Well, we know I take all things to heart, and I love everyone. And being hated by someone simply boggles my mind, I suppose.

Thankfully people reached out. And I felt loved. And comforted. And I'm grateful for all the people who soothed me, tried to make me laugh through the tears, and gave me some perspective.

Lots has gone on. I don't have space to get into it all. Many things are still the same. Loving my kids. Loving living here. Loving my surrogate family. Looking forward to summer. Still being a girl.

And speaking of being a girl, I went shopping for a Prom dress yesterday.

Let me remind you, my dear readers: I hate shopping. I'm too picky. And even worse, I hate shopping with people. So imagine my comfort while shopping for something specific (i.e. Prom dress) with people (i.e. my girlfriends) for an unspecified amount of time.

Don't get me wrong. I love my girls. And I loved seeing them. But I felt like I was dragging them along and taking up their afternoon while trying on awful dress after awful dress. Granted, the dresses were pretty and the girls were having fun (especially when I flashed them and hey, they asked for it!), but I still felt slightly uncomfortable.

BUT! This story has a happy ending! Prom dress has been procured! And wow. It's a beauty. It's a beautiful color, flowing and simple, yet very nicely shaped. I feel awesome in this dress.

It was, however much too long in the straps. And you know what? Today I actually acted even
more like a woman and shortened the straps myself. That's right, folks. Yours truly ripped seams, pushed down the straps, and sewed the dress back up. And it was successful!

Have I lost your attention my dear male readers? I know all this dress talk must be endlessly boring for you.

Hmm. How about this?

I saw HANNA as well.

Holy. Crap. What a movie.

It's beautiful and vicious. That's the best way to describe it. The fight scenes are Bourne-ish. The world is stylized and lush, even in stark places like the snowy forest. And the violence is unapologetic and incredibly in-your-face. These aren't characters who hesitate when it's time to pull the trigger. No. It gets done.

And the soundtrack? Oh my word. The Chemical Brothers. Not kidding, I was sitting practically
on my knees in the theatre chair because I was so excited by this music.

A sucker for kick-A fight scenes paired with hard, industrial techno and throbbing bass? Yeah, ok, you caught me. Guilty.

Here, take a listen to this one. Made the movie for me.

Don't like it? Well, no one's perfect. But I'll like you just a little bit less.

I want, want, want.

I have found a website made just for me. Thank the lord for Ashley Eckstein and her desire to cater to female Star Wars fans. It seriously is a market that's way too small.

The site is called Her Universe. And it has these T-shirts. Short sleeved shirts are $30 each and long-sleeved shirts are $40. I may have to space out my purchases, but someday I shall start my collection. And I will wear them proudly.

 

     Star Wars burnout tee, $30                                  Star Wars Padme Nouveau tee, $30

 

     Empire Strikes Back thermal hoodie, $40                     Luke Skywalker tee, $30

Check them out if you like Star Wars, sci-fi, or general nerdiness. And I call dibs on the Luke Skywalker tee. That's going to be my first purchase. Han, who? I was always, always a Luke girl. He's my Jedi Knight in shining armor. 

Woman Victorious

OK, ladies. Moment of truth. You all better admit to this or else I'm going to do one of two things.

1) Know you're lying. 

2) Cry.

Here it is. You're in a popular clothing store. Perhaps Gap. And you see a pair of shorts that you absolutely adore. Perhaps these. And you rush to the rack (have you noticed that we tend to do that, ladies? The store is empty and you are alone, but BY GOLLY when you see that dream item you are drawn to it as quickly as those scary kids magnets that snap together in a split second and threaten to take your fingertips with them). 

So. You rush to the rack. You pore over the sizes . . . 0, 2 (yeah, right) . . . . 4, 6 (OK, getting closer) . . . 8 (just one more) . . . and . . . 12. 

NOOOOOO! The skies pour and the thunder crashes as you cry out your despair to the heavens. 

But since you're in public, you just sigh and say, "Darn."

But then . . . a soft light shines down on you and choirs of angels sing praises! You know what to do!

See, guys, if you're lost, let me walk you through the logic in a woman's brain. 

     A: She really, really likes these shorts. 

     B: These shorts are too small.

+   C: She's wanted to lose weight for awhile now. 

___________________________________

     D: She will buy these shorts, lose some weight, and THEN wear them!

GENIUS.

Only problem with this scenario is that most of us ladies don't end up losing the weight, never get to wear our cute shorts, and end up $30 poorer. 

OK. So. Set up engaged. Now for the payoff. 

I, like so many women, did this last summer. I was rummaging through my closet this morning, looking for something to wear. I saw my lovely, olive green, shorts, so new they still had the tag on them, and on a whim decided to try them on. 

You know that feeling as you slip one leg into your pants and then another and you begin to gauge just how far they're willing to slip over your hips and you pray that those extra chips last night haven't attached themselves to your rear?  And sometimes you have that glorious feeling of a pair of pants that are sliding on perfectly? So perfectly you can hardly believe it?

I began to have that feeling. And it kept happening. And before I knew it, the shorts were on, buttoned, and looking awesome. 

It worked! The shorts I would have been forced to wear as a size 10 last summer now fit me as a size 8 this summer. Fabulous. So fabulous that I almost want to go get ice cream to celebrate. 

But that would only ruin this perfect fit. Not to mention give me gas. 

Those Darn Cats

I was going to write a blog post about being home and the cats that my parents have, and this post was going to come complete with pictures, but these little buggers seriously do not stay still long enough to take a good picture of them. That, and the camera I currently use is terrible for, you know, good pictures.

I'm grateful I have a digital camera. It's nice to know that I can have my pictures quickly and in an automatic electronic format; however, the camera is not that great for many things, especially if I want to start capturing beautiful landscapes in the land that will soon be my home. I mean, just look at this picture:

Breathtaking. And what I would love more than anything is to be able to take some of those breathtaking photos for all of you who want to see what the real deal is with this place I'll be moving and setting up shop for an undetermined amount of time.

Which brings me to digital cameras. I have a feeling that this might be a tough decision for me. To be honest, all I know about photography is "Oh, this looks pretty," and "I really like the light here!" As far as specs and the, you know, technical stuff goes, I'm pretty much clueless. I'll need help from someone somewhere, but by the time I'll have a dough to purchase a "real" camera, I don't know when I'd actually have the time to shop around and talk to experts and "take my time." I'll need to know what I want so that when I'm in a city that has it, i can just go on in and get it.

In other news, I spent the entire day reading, something I haven't done in a long time. I miss it, and, yes, I'll admit it, I do feel slightly guilty for doing it. I mean, shouldn't I have done something productive with my day? Shouldn't I have maybe taken a shower and changed out of my pajamas? There. And now I have just shamed myself in front of the two of you who will read this. Well, don't tell anyone, ok?

Tomorrow I have plans for DOING THINGS. And don't ask me what those THINGS are because I don't know. All I know is that the THINGS will be productive THINGS and that they will benefit either me or my family in some way. These will be THINGS that will add to my school year planning and THINGS that will ensure I have not wasted my day.

Now, if you don't mind, I need to start figuring out what the heck I'm going to do tomorrow.