What a fun day!

I had one of the best days at school EVER today.

That's right.

And now it pains me to admit it, but it's because my students blocked my doorway for a canned food drive, which meant that I didn't have class today. Instead, I hung out in the gym all day long and played.

Awesome.

Oh, except for my seniors. We'd had a party planned already, so we just had our party. Threw some apples at a brick wall. You know. Normal stuff.

Also, I found this and it is all kinds of awesome.

Not because I am a hater of my own sex. Not at all. I think I, as a woman, am mysterious, beautiful, and pretty stinkin' cool.

I mostly found this awesome because I love logic. Like, REAL logic where you turn words and phrases in to mathematical equations. And this particular piece of logic is just brilliant.

So true, so true

Nothing much tonight. Just this thought.

T.S. Eliot is better than Broadway

Another new post? My goodness, what is going on?

I chatted with some students for two whole hours after school today. It was wonderful. I love spending time with my students and just getting to know them as people.

Also, tonight was the awards banquet. Next year I'll be up there giving the awards and the little speech for the all-school play, and I realized something:

I'm going to be in way over my head when it comes to putting on a play next year!

I mean, I'm very excited for it, don't get me wrong. I love theatre, and I love acting. I have a lot of experience on all stages of the theatre process, but I still have never actually directed a play on my own. But even that won't be the hardest part. I have to coordinate schedules, work with the activities director, make sure that I have a venue that works, equipment that works......yikes! I'm a more big ideas person and a thinker. I'm not so much a doer. Little nitpicking things like that are tough for me. So I'm already praying that the play will go over well.

Also, I'm about to go through T.S. Eliot with my seniors (yay!) and that led me to revisit my love the of musical Cats. Well, I should say, my former love. It was my literal obsession when I was about five. Not kidding. Here's how it went down:

My sister and I would invite our friends Sheena and Whitney over to play. We'd put on my parents' record (yes, record, as in vinyl) of the musical and then we'd race up the stairs that led down to the living room. Then it was time to make our grand entrances.

You had to creep down the stairs, gingerly, one foot at a time, and make sure you were extra graceful. You were pretending to be a cat, after all. Then you had to move around the living room in a pre-choreographed dance while mouthing all the words. No real singing allowed.

We always fought over who got to be what cat. As in, we would all crowd around the open record cover, looking at the dingy photographs from the original production, and fight over who got to be which cat. I always wanted to be the one with the sleek bodysuit and the Siamese coloring. My sister and the other girls would fight over who got to be the pure white fluffy cat. She was the prettiest.

I secretly wanted to be her too, but I figured that it wasn't worth fighting over. And hey, the Siamese was very pretty in her own way.

Looking back, our little shows were basically just four girls under six years old crawling around on the floor while a record played in the background, meowing, arguing over being imaginary actresses, and forcing our poor parents to sit through yet another show--same as the last seven.

Ah, simpler times.

Lists of things

I'm trying to think of what to write. 

It's hard to come back to blogging when it's been such a long time since my last post. 

I should really do better with all of that. 

I think it's so hard because I have a lot of things that I could catch all of you up on.

But perhaps I should just regulate this particular post to the things currently going on. 

How about I tell you what is around me?

1. My phone, dark and silent. Kind of lonely.

2. My new school laptop, playing Band of Horses....lovely.

3. My English 10 textbook, open to Julius Caesar, untouched and being avoided. 

4. A pile of grading, including tests and papers. Also being avoided.

5. My "To Do" list. It currently has two of ten things crossed off.

6. An empty graham cracker package....my current fixation.

7. My nail box. I am typing this with newly brilliant red nails.

8. My Scrubs season 5 DVDs. Currently on pause while I listen to some good music. 

How about I continue with listing things and I'll give you a list of the last few days?

1. I enjoyed my drive back to Ashland immensely. I left with lots of time to spare and just sort of meandered. I haven't had too many opportunities to do that. It was good thinking time.

2. I've been in the mood to buy new clothes lately. So I did. My spring and summer wardrobes are filling themselves out nicely. And my wallet is considerably slimmer. And for awhile I kept wondering why every girl I ever see in athletic shorts wears those Nike shorts. Now I know. And own two pairs. 

3. One of my dear friends cut my hair, and it was lovely to catch up with her. She cuts a fine head of hair. And I'll be back as soon as school is out for something a little less tame. I almost put feathers in my hair, but I figured that was just a tad too trendy and unprofessional. Darn having to be professional. When summer is here look out, dangit! 

Oh, and do you know about this feather trend? No? This is what I'm talking about, in case you missed it:

4. I saw four baseball games four days in a row. It was a good time. Even though I had to watch my Shockers lose the last one. Although I am slightly disheartened that the dancing and nicknames have lagged since I left for Ashland it is somewhat gratifying to know that it was my enthusiasm that spurred those things on. In my short time back I nicknamed/renamed four players, created a new dance, and resurrected a few old ones. 

5. I've been looking at my standards and the things I desire lately. I've got a lot of conflicts going on in my heart. Questions I've been asking myself: Do I desire temporary happiness or fuller, yet harder, happiness? Are my expectations too high? Am I truly looking at the things in my life through the lens of reality? Would I truly be willing to drag my heart through the dirt for little or no gain? And do these questions even apply to my life right now? 

6. I usually wear jeans in the summer. I create shorts by cutting up pants. I bought my first pair of real shorts this weekend. This is a large step forward. I am determined to put my legs out there. Not like a hussy, mind you, but like a normal person. They're not bad legs. They're pretty average. Ok, they're a little short, but I'm a little short, so I think it evens out to normal-looking legs if you don't compare them to anyone else's.

7. My relationship with Jesus has stagnated. Which sucks. Cause He's sort of amazing. And he died for me. And then totally conquered death and rose again. Dang. But if you're wondering why it might have stagnated, check out list item number 5. It all ties together. 

8. Sometimes I tell people things that they don't need to know. Sometimes I tell them in places where these things don't need to be talked about. Sometimes I tell too many people too many things. If I told everyone that I owned a white car, well, that's a silly thing to tell them, but at least my car actually is white. If I instead told everyone that I was thinking about taking a trip to Europe over the summer (which I'm not), well, then by the time summer rolled around everyone would be waiting for a postcard from Prague. The point is, I tell too many people about too many up-in-the-air things which then makes me look foolish if they don't pan out. 

9. Some things on my mind can't be talked about in a public forum. And I'm sorry, but they also can't be talked about with the large majority of people in my life. But I am so incredibly thankful for a few close friends who do not judge, who support me, who push me toward truth and good choices, and who are trying to understand what's going on in my head. And without them I'd be in a bad place. 

10. It rained today. It made me happy. 

Ouch!

The next few days are tough. I said goodbye to The Monolith a year ago today. Part of me feels rather stupid for knowing that and caring. The other part of me is fully aware that I am STILL healing. You'd think after a year I'd be healed. But, well, anyone who's had to heal from lost love....you understand.

But I'm not here to drag you down. Or at least I'm not trying to do that.

I've been rather snippy or frustrated with my students lately. Some in particular. I believe this is the reason. Not the whole reason, mind you, but part of the reason.

The other part is that I'm ready for summer to be here. I'm ready to relax! And frankly, when my students act stupid in class a lot of me is just really ready to laugh with them. But I still have to teach and maintain order. So then not only am I frustrated that students are goofing off during class time, I'm also doubly frustrated that I still have to be, you know, a TEACHER and put them back on task.

Cause if I still have to do my job then, by golly, they better do theirs. Cause it's just not fair!

Ok, all whining aside, I'm working on not being so frustrated.

And hey! I actually have something fun for you all to end this rather varied blog post.

So I am not one who can stand or sit still. I am a fidgeter. I talk VERY expressively with my hands, swing my feet, sway back and forth, etc. And usually to the amusement of all around.

Ok, so then yesterday I'm in the computer lab with my seniors, who are working diligently on their research papers, and I'm leaning against the counter. As usual, I'm swaying back and forth against the counter.

Suddenly, I feel a rather sharp pain in my right butt cheek.

That's right, you heard me. Butt cheek.

I freeze, and I KNOW my eyes got really wide all of a sudden. Someone asks, "Miss Martin, what's wrong?" I simply smile and say, "Oh, nothing!" while trying to maintain a normal smile.

Luckily the bell is going to ring in one minute, so I just wait for the one male in the room to leave and promptly thrust my hand down the back of my pants.

Sorry for the graphics, but hey, if something stabbed into your butt cheek YOU try walking all the way to bathroom to do that.

Needless to say I found the culprit. A nice splinter, about 3/4inch long. It was ALL THE WAY inside my pants. AND lodged in my flesh.

Ouch.

There are so many jokes I could make at this point, but seeing as all of them are highly inappropriate, I'll hold off.

Let's just say that I'm sure you could imagine a few....

Dresses and techno

It's been awhile, I know.

Things were tough that week. Not just that day. That week.

I cried. A lot. I haven't cried much since coming to Ashland. And that week the floodgates opened up. And it was legitimate, sure. No one likes being told they are hated. And me? Well, we know I take all things to heart, and I love everyone. And being hated by someone simply boggles my mind, I suppose.

Thankfully people reached out. And I felt loved. And comforted. And I'm grateful for all the people who soothed me, tried to make me laugh through the tears, and gave me some perspective.

Lots has gone on. I don't have space to get into it all. Many things are still the same. Loving my kids. Loving living here. Loving my surrogate family. Looking forward to summer. Still being a girl.

And speaking of being a girl, I went shopping for a Prom dress yesterday.

Let me remind you, my dear readers: I hate shopping. I'm too picky. And even worse, I hate shopping with people. So imagine my comfort while shopping for something specific (i.e. Prom dress) with people (i.e. my girlfriends) for an unspecified amount of time.

Don't get me wrong. I love my girls. And I loved seeing them. But I felt like I was dragging them along and taking up their afternoon while trying on awful dress after awful dress. Granted, the dresses were pretty and the girls were having fun (especially when I flashed them and hey, they asked for it!), but I still felt slightly uncomfortable.

BUT! This story has a happy ending! Prom dress has been procured! And wow. It's a beauty. It's a beautiful color, flowing and simple, yet very nicely shaped. I feel awesome in this dress.

It was, however much too long in the straps. And you know what? Today I actually acted even
more like a woman and shortened the straps myself. That's right, folks. Yours truly ripped seams, pushed down the straps, and sewed the dress back up. And it was successful!

Have I lost your attention my dear male readers? I know all this dress talk must be endlessly boring for you.

Hmm. How about this?

I saw HANNA as well.

Holy. Crap. What a movie.

It's beautiful and vicious. That's the best way to describe it. The fight scenes are Bourne-ish. The world is stylized and lush, even in stark places like the snowy forest. And the violence is unapologetic and incredibly in-your-face. These aren't characters who hesitate when it's time to pull the trigger. No. It gets done.

And the soundtrack? Oh my word. The Chemical Brothers. Not kidding, I was sitting practically
on my knees in the theatre chair because I was so excited by this music.

A sucker for kick-A fight scenes paired with hard, industrial techno and throbbing bass? Yeah, ok, you caught me. Guilty.

Here, take a listen to this one. Made the movie for me.

Don't like it? Well, no one's perfect. But I'll like you just a little bit less.