Flying Solo

Silly girl, crushed dreams are for kids.

Oh, that's terrible. Crushed dreams aren't for kids. Therefore, they are not for me.

After a night to sleep on it, I've felt this peculiar and exciting urge inside.

First of all, numbers have been re-crunched, and financial responsibilities will be fine. So let's not worry about that any longer.

Second of all, this urge that I'm feeling? It's something that I honestly haven't had before, as crazy as it may sound. My life has pretty much been mapped out or fallen into place up until now, but if I don't start consciously manipulating the pieces, the places they fall might not be to my liking. (And yes, there is a lot of thinking about where the overall, supreme Plan comes in, but we'll get there.)

Anyway. This feeling?

Ambition.

Woah. It is real. College is over. I have a job, and it is safe and sweet, but I suddenly have this burning feeling inside.

I am single, and I am free to go somewhere. I am free to do something and become someone.

And I've suddenly understood how ambition is the cause of so many broken relationships and self-centered people. Ambition causes thoughts to pop up in people's heads like "I'm going to cut all current ties that keep me from achieving my goal" and "I will go to any length to achieve my dream."

How do I maintain a balance in all of this? How do I also make sure that my ambition lines up with what God has for me? How do I not lose people? How do I not run over people?

Let me just put this out there so that it won't be crazy if I talk about it later:

I'm beginning to pray very seriously about moving to Chicago, L.A., or NYC within the next few years. Don't freak out! Seriously, people. I am not crazy, and I'm not going to rush into this. It'll be at least two years before it would even be conceivable for me to move, so we're on a longer time line. But in all honesty, my ambition is a multi-step process, and that is the first step.

God will open or shut doors as He sees necessary, and that will undoubtedly shape and mold my ambition. But right now with a universe of open doors in front of me, my ambition is keeping me warm at night.